So sick of nearly 3 year old refusing all proper meals. . . Solidarity needed

[teaandkittehs]

Hi All,

My little one will be 3 in a couple of weeks and since mid September she's been a bloody nightmare with eating.

I gather it's a common story, but she weaned like a dream and ate EVERYTHING until 18 months when she started to get fussy. By 2 years old we were left with a fairly solid but not amazing range of things she would still eat including some proper meals. But about 3 months ago she shut down as regards almost anything that was an actual meal. No more pasta dishes, no more Risotto, which had been constant reliables even after her initial fussy transition. Now it's a plate of different bits, that is all that will be accepted. I still follow the advice and give her a portion of what we are having for dinner (unless it's something she really can't eat like tom yum) and the obligatory 'safe' foods alongside it, and all she ever eats is the safe food. Luckily it's varied enough for her to hit all the main food groups so I'm not too concerned about nutrition, and we don't really eat stuff like chicken nuggets so she has not been exposed to stuff like that. But she just refuses to even try a bit of any meals with mixed ingredients (used to love a chicken, veg and Mozarella pasta dish, or salmon Risotto), refuses anything new, and refuses a lot of separate things besides. She even refuses a baby-friendly spinach mac and cheese recipe that she always loved EXCEPT she will eat it for lunch at her grandma's where she goes every Monday, so I always send a pot there with her to get the spinach in her. But if we offer it at home, she refuses to even take a bite. She was diagnosed with speech delay at 26 months but not badly enough for any referral (she tended to pass the ages and stages for a child 2 months younger, and she was 3 weeks premature). Since then, she now scrapes a pass for speech and communication on ages and stages for her age, nursery are not concerned, her grandma who is a childminder with nearly 50 years experience of child raising is not concerned. But it does mean that she's at the bottom end of communication and understanding for her age - she doesn't understand bargaining yet (i.e. if you try everything on your plate, you can have a Yoghurt for dessert) and if I even ask her to try things she refuses, even things she used to gobble up, so the whole 'they have to try each thing 19 times to decide whether they like it' etc is off the table because she won't even try things. I have got well beyond getting annoyed or being pushy as it was very clear very quickly that it didn't have any positive effect, so we just offer her the food we are having, accept when she says no, leave it on her plate in vain hope, have a relaxed dinner time and yet again watch her eat something like rice, a bit of chicken or cheese or salmon, and some carrot sticks, cherry tomatoes, cucumber, Grapes etc.

I'm just bored shitless of it, of the wasted food, of trying, and accepting that I'll have to wait maybe two years or so until it improves (and knowing that the possibility is there that it might not ever improve). I know I can't do anything except keep trying, and be grateful that we've not had any really full on phases (yet) like only beige food or only pizza etc. I happen to know a fair amount of people with toddlers who are really quite good eaters and sometimes it just really sucks that despite all my efforts, mine isn't one of them. I fucking hate it and am just feeling resignation about the whole situation now.

Just looking to hear from those who have been through similar or are going through similar. . . .

Should add she would eat sausages or bacon every day if we let her, but we only give them occasionally because obviously not healthy

I think it may be helpful to engage with her and explain why eating healthy food is good. Let her try different foods which are healthy and see what she likes. Honestly, all you can do is encourage and support her in the right direction.

Can totally relate. My son will be 3 in a couple of months and he’s definitely going through a phase of not eating a proper meal. It’s very frustrating! He’s living off of cucumber, carrots, cheese and hummus at the moment.
I do find that if he’s been involved in the cooking he’s a bit more interested, but not every time. We also pretend to feed his toys and they make comments like ‘yum, these meatballs are so tasty’ or ‘these taste like dinosaur, do you think they taste like dinosaur?’. Then he’s more likely to at least try a mouthful or two.
I did resort to letting him have teeny tiny sips of my orange juice whenever he ate a couple of mouthfuls of bolognese last night. Not a tactic I want to use again as I don’t want him drinking juice and don’t want to use food or drink as a bribe or reward. But, after over a week of not eating a proper meal he did end up eating a good portion of his actual dinner, so that was a temporary win.
It sounds like you’re doing things right though, especially keeping dinner time calm.
I don’t really have any answers, just that I know how annoying it can be! I’m just going to keep offering the meals alongside stuff I know he’ll eat like garlic bread or baked beans and carrots etc. I know that one day he’ll eat properly again 🤞

Her communication and comprehension being at the lower end of the scale makes this impossible. One of my pals has a son who could communicate and understand much more than mine does when he was 6 months younger than mine is so I have seen how it can be with a good communicator, but mine is very physically adept but not communication-wise. She simply wouldn't understand yet! But she eats healthily, just not varied or proper meals at present.

Met someone today whose child just started eating full, complete meals again at age 4, so I'll live in hope! It's just mad because she used to eat it all and it's like a switch flicked off in mid September. . . She also learned to throw better tantrums at the same time so I think there is an independence quest partly at work too. She had also just finished a growth spurt and her appetite dropped, it's built again now but the variation hasn't returned yet. I know I'm not alone in this but it's so bloody infuriating especially when some kids just don't seem to even consider not eating what's put in front of them! Sigh. . . .

Solidarity OP. Mine was great when he started weaning. Then from 12 months it slowly dwindled and now at 3 he lives on cheese, cracker, cucumber and apples. No hot food at all. He's also speech delayed. Only just saying words and not too clearly. The waste is so frustrating but you can't let them see that😅 hopefully it's just a phase with your DD. And I'd be giving her the sausage and bacon if she's starting to lose weight at all. Better to get calories in than not

These might help

1. quit tv or screens if you already haven't. If she watches screens she will be distracted and many foods might be "new food" for longer
2. don't try to bribe - you're inadvertely telling her food on plate is bad and she should be rewarded for eating it
3. I understand you might be tired of wasting food, but for some kids it takes 20 or even more exposure to new food to eat it. Maybe it's worth asking allied health professional if they have any advice, like child psychologist?
4. After you offer new food, try to engage your bub to explore said new food, AFTER dinner. So you offer new food along the safe food, she eats safe food - let her play with new food. I understand it's messy. Try to teach her gradually to touch and smell new food.
5. don't let her graze on snacks and drinks. Wait 2.5 hours before snacks and dinner. At this age, they only need 2 portions of milk, but you can replace this with 2 portion of cheese.

I actually do all of this already. I've always been anti screen at the table. I allow the food waste day after day because the advice tells me to. Bribing works for my friends kids so I'll probably do it eventually but she won't understand it yet, she will just hear the words dessert and dinner and think dessert is for dinner (I'm not into frequent desserts anyway, I was raised without them). She has the new food, or more correctly stated, the food she used to eat, available to her throughout and after dinner. I treat food like wake windows to make sure she is hungry.

I'm basically fucked until she comes out of this as there is nothing more I can do!

She ate 4 spoonfuls of a proper pasta meal one day last week, first time in 3 months. It will go back to normal one day but voting then I'm hating it! But never losing my temper or forcing food down her.

Thanks for your reply! We've got a little bit more range than yours will eat but it's very similar and all separates. . . The cheese and crackers or bread sticks and apple slices are frequent in appearance but she will also eat chicken sometimes, plain pasta, carrot raw or cooked, Brocolli, Cashews, salmon fillets sometimes, fish fingers, Battered fish. . . But no proper meals and not a great range! Luckily no weight loss but she gets the Sausages and bacon once a week. Except over Xmas where she ate lots of pigs in blankets. . . .