15yr old daughter is lonely and no friends

[Mystical1981]

where to start....3 years ago when she was 12 my daughter had a lot of problems at school sensory problems and social problems. She couldnt handle noisy classrooms or corridors, the lunch hall and so on. She had lots of other school problems aswell as socialising. She found it hard to make friends as she said she felt different to other children and couldnt bond with people because of this. She did have 1 friend who would call my daughter and text her but my daughter would never reply and when she asked my daughter if she wanted to go out somewhere my daughter would always make up excuses to get out of it. Eventually this friend gave up and so my daughter had noone. I eventually had to homeschool her because she started to refuse to go to school and started to self harm and i was getting fines and court letter. The school thought she was autistic or adhd but i requested an autism or adhd test 3 years ago and we are still on the waiting list. Life is very lonely for my daughter, i am so simliar to her i struggled through school couldnt make friends and isolated myself and here i am today 40 years old lonely with no friends and i dont want her to end up this way because it so horrible having nooone to go out with or to talk to. Alot of people who homeschool meet up with other friends that are homeschooling or have friends who had kids the same age but i dont have this so my daughter literally sees noone her own age. I try to take her out when i can i do have to work parttime and homeschool but i take her shopping etc. A few weeks ago i noticed a concert was happening and someone she really liked was singing so i brought tickets for me and her and we went and she had such a nice time but the next day she was so upset, she said that everyone was there with their friends and she wanted that she wanted to be there with friends. it made me feel so sad for her. This morning she woke up and was upset she said she is very lonely and her childhood is slipping away and she has no friends to go concerts with or shopping with or talk on the phone. Shes 16 in a few months and i said that she can go to college and start again and make friends but she says she doesnt know how and always feels that people dont like her and she doesnt fit in. She said she wants to go to parties and do things that 16 years old do. i said to her that there is still time but i can only put things in place for her like getting her into college etc but she needs to turn up and make an effort with people and change her way of thinking. Everything i said she would come back with an excuse as to why she cant do it. The past few years i have paid for her to go to art classes, ice skating classes in hope she will make friends but on the day she refuses to go. She is having couselling sessions 2 times a month. Any ideas how i can help her further?

I don’t know unfortunately @Mystical1981. Perhaps if you ask in the SN Teen section someone in there will have more of an idea.

I would however chase up that referral for assessment. She will drop out of the children’s service at 18 so you want her to have been asssessed by them and potentially to have tried medication.

Does she take any anti-anxiety medication now? Some GPs will prescribe under 16 and some won’t. I would take her to the GP anyway.

And if she’s starting college, does she have an ECHP in place?

Just wanted to add that it might be worth joining the local ASD group? My DF has a DS who has ASD and he’s managed to make a few connections by going to their meet ups. When he was younger his DOs also went.

I take my nearly 3 years old daughter to a local gymnastics centre for an open play session and happen to have met lots of home schooling parents there, and since my autistic stepson is homeschooled I have spoken to the other parents there about it. They said in our area there are a LOT of good schools group on Facebook that include local activities and groups. My stepsons autism manifests in him not wanting or needing much or any real social contact so he isn't interested in joining anything but if he were, we would be all over those Facebook groups. Maybe see if there is anything similar near you, it sounds like your daughter is much more open to it than my stepson. Many of the parents I spoke to said their kids are neurodiverse, but not all. Good luck x

Encourage her to join an after school club. She must be confident in making the first move. Once this happens, the world is her oyster.

Sorry I forgot to mention that there is also a Home Schooling Section on MN, I think it may be under Education? Perhaps some of the MNers in there ciukd help you to find out what’s in your area or just talk to you about getting out with your DD?