My partner doesn’t help around the house.

[ChicBrickMember]

I’m getting increasingly frustrated because my partner barely helps with anything around the house. I work, look after the kids, organise everything, and still end up doing most of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.
When I bring it up, he says he’s “tired” or that I’m “better at it,” which just makes me feel even worse. I don’t want to nag, but I’m exhausted and it feels really unfair.
Has anyone managed to get their partner to step up without constant arguments? Am I expecting too much, or is this actually unreasonable? I’d love to hear how others handle this, because I’m feeling stuck.

What was he like before toh had the DC?

I completely get it. I've had enough too.

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I’d stop doing anything for him because I’m guessing he does nothing for you. No washing, I’d eat with the kids and when he complains just parrot his words back “I’m tired”.

I handled it by getting a divorce. It should not be him 'helping' you, it should be 2 adults in an equal relationship doing what needs to be done. Google 'my wife divorced me because I left dishes by the sink'. Please don't refer to yourself as a 'nag' because you're not: you're someone tired and at the end of your tether because of yet another lazy man.

Not really a “partner” then, is he?…

Change your mindset OP - he shouldn’t be ‘helping’, you should be doing it together.
Put your big girl pants on and call a meeting. Sit together, write down every task that needs doing in the house/family and discuss how you’re going to divide it.
My husband is the better cook, so he does most of the cooking. I do most of the washing up, dishwasher, wiping down kitchen. He does most of the stain treating (our kids soul everything) and usually puts the washing on. I hang it up and put it away. We share the cleaning. He manages the bills, I do most of the kids’ admin inc keeping in top of what clothes they need next. I do most of the Xmas present shopping, he does the food shop.
What is your partner do while you’re doing all of these things OP? Is he sat on his backside watching TV?
If he really won’t change his ways, then stop doing anything for him - his washing piles up, no tea etc. See how long until he changes his ways then. Good luck!

of course you're better at it, if you do it all! Tell him he clearly needs to practice so he can also become better.

You wouldn’t believe how much this is also me x

Stop cooking, cleaning up after him , doing his laundry etc .. Then when he asks why say you were too tired.

Was he like this before children?

What does his mother do when you visit?
Everything?

I would do as others have said and stop doing things for him and if things don’t change and are maintained, you need to ask yourself some serious questions.

I swear, I’m having a Deja vu, there was the same / very similar topic last week in the “Relationships”.
Anyway, I’ve had exactly the same problem at home and sorted it by splitting up with the man child. Now I look after 2 kids alone, not 3. It feels so much better and it’s like a massive weight off my shoulders. I was doing everything alone while “in a relationship “anyway, so..I’m used to it.

I completely relate. And it’s not as simple as you just not doing it - the kids need to be fed, the house needs to be tidy etc.and it’s unlikely that if you stopped he’d suddenly start doing things. In my experience, it doesn’t get any better and they don’t suddenly see the error of their ways.

And who wants to live in a shit hole?

Eurgh this is our household. 4 children, all home educated too. I am the home educator, cook, cleaner, life admin-er, Christmas present sorter, food shopper, laundry person. He takes the bins out, and, occasionally will semi-clean the kitchen in the evening if I’ve not already done it and will finish loading the dishwasher, again, if I’ve not already done it. We have had countless discussions/arguments about it where I’ve explained I’m burning out because I’m doing it all. He claims that he’s tired because he goes out and does a manual job. It’s not even full time, and he doesn’t work long hours like lots of manual workers do. I argue that I’m tired as I literally do everything else! Our children are all very young too, one is a breastfed baby. I do think leaving is my only option, it’s just so daunting! Not sure how I’ll arrange it with everything else that I do!

Same - about to tell him tonight I’m done if he doesn’t change his ways. He has until the end of the year and I’m out

To OP and everyone else saying it's the same for them - stop doing it! They are not living in a hotel and you are not staff. If you keep doing it, they will never change. Look after yourself and the kids, but stop looking after them if they refuse to do their fair share.

You know in your heart this is not good enough. Chuck him out and find a partner who wants to take care of you and your children because they have enough self respect and they are full of love for you.

That's what divorce is for. Worked for me

'The divorce came out of nowhere'

It’s so unattractive isn’t it, living with someone who doesn’t pull their weight and having to act like their mum tidying up around them.
His got used to it being this way but things can change