Need some help, quickish please : ( Ds being awful, don't want to smack him but what do I do?

[WonderingWhy]

Feeling rather desperate. He is five, and very tired I think and behaving like a small devil. He has already sat on his little brother's head, on a doorstep - resulting in a huge bruise - I did not smack him and hate doing so, used to a few times when he was younger but not recently as he is old enough to talk to and I found it didn't do any good to either of us.

He is hitting me and throwing objects around, being a complete idiot and acting like he is mad.

I kow he is tired and under stress as we are moving house soon, but I don't know what to do to physically restrain him befor someone gets injured again

Please some ideas.
Am trying to cuddle him and talk softly but he is being appalling. Have sent him upstairs to sit at top for 5 mins but he keeps coming down.

Put him in the bath with some toys and have a chat with him.

Explain that you are going to do a reward chart for him and when he is nice and kind and helpful he will get a big boy sticker.

When he has 20 stickers he can have a present.

If he is really naughty then no sticker and threaten to remove other stickers!

Worked like a charm for both my boys who are 6 and 3.

Or, having looked at your profile, stick him in the shed!!!!!

I can't speak from experience but just a few suggestions I know of from other people -

• give him an important job to do, something to help you
• ask him how he can help you get him to behave, what would he do in your situation?
• tell him "don't smile! whatever you do smiling is not allowed!"
• start an interesting activity eg baking or fixing something, leave him to come and take an interest and ask if he can help

hth

So take him back and keep doing it! If you use notty step/corner you have to be consistent and stick to your guns. If he thinks he's got you beat then its all over.

Sorry to be so blunt but I reckon you already know it. Take a deep breath, have a large glass of wine and show him whos boss

Thankyou, please reassure me it is the best thing not to hit him.

I think I know it is, just need to feel like Good Mummy who is in Charge iyswim and not hittng makes me feel like I am being an adult. Which has to be good, no?

Adults usually only hit when they loose it, then use more force than they intend to, then feel guilty, then give cuddles and reinforce that bad behaviourt gets cuddles. You are doing the right thing by not hitting.

Thankyou. I am going to go and see if I can get him involved in something nice.

I have already been asked a few times about the bruise
Should have been supervising them, so I blame myself.

I hope it doesn't get any worse than this, things haven't been this bad for ages. I think it's the moving house, he's feeling unsettled maybe?

Or he's just being a little biy who's in a bad mood...don't read to far into it...he'll come round.
PS. Clearly I'm the bad mum on this thread from reading above so don't worry too much!!!

I smacked my eldest a couple of times, in extreme circumstances.
It's NOT the answer.
It causes anger and aggression in return.
Seems that your little chap has enough of both already.
So YES you have done the right thing.
If it is safe to do so, by that I mean can you leave somebody else in charge at home? Take him out for a walk. Just you and him. Hold his hand, be his mate, laugh about stupid stuff and try, SLOWLY to get him to talk about what's bothering him whilst telling him he is not in any trouble, you just need him to stop causing problems, and you want him to be happy.
Lots of luck.

Thankyou both, he has woken up in a much better mood - poor little mite - he can't contain all his feelings, I need to focus on him much more to prevent him getting so far out of his own control

Goober I agree, it is totally pointless - I never intended to smack and was not smacked myself. Sometimes in self defence I will perhaps smack his arm just to get him off me, if he is attacking me, but it doesn't seem to hurt him and I think is necessary in those moments when someone is going to get hurt otherwise.

I shan't resort to smacking my youngest I hope. It was always at those times when I had reached the end of my tether trying to explain, be nice, stop him doing something and he still persisted - I didn't know what else to do, so thought, do I smack him? and whenever I did, I always felt awful and it didn't help.

I think when it reaches that point it's already too late, you need to prevent the behaviour with distraction etc. And if you DO reach the point where you are thinking of lashing out, stop yourself, because it DOES NOT actually help, even if you think it might - it really doesn't. I wish I had known this 3 years ago and I never would have smacked the elder one at all.

Sorry I am not lecturing anyone there, just exploring my own thoughts about what I should have done in the past.

I didn't feel like I was getting a lecture, don't worry.
You already have all the right answers, you just needed somebody to tell you that you were right. You are of course.
Don't things always look better in the morning?
I hope you and your little chap stay friends today.
Keep smiling.