25month old ‘regressing’

[MammarOfOne]

Hello,

I have part custody of my 25m old granddaughter with my son (it’s been like this since birth).

I have her Thursday to Sunday, son has her Sunday to Thursday. There is sometimes extra time either way but it’s pretty much constant.

There is no conflict between us and it works really well.

The mother isn’t involved at all and hasn’t seen her for a year (Her choice). (GD doesn’t ask for her, wouldn’t know her if they passed on the street)

GD is brilliant, hitting/exceeding all targets. Fully potty trained with one or two accidents (if she’s playing too hard etc), she’s slept throughout the night from 3 months, has very good vocabulary and is just a joy.

A couple of months ago all of the people at her dads became ill with the flu, including GD, dad was VERY ill and in hospital, GD was ill for a few days, worse than I’ve ever seen her but didn’t need medical intervention, just the usual rest/fluid/keep cool.

Since then she’s changed, it seems like she’s regressed. She is wetting the bed every night and numerous times in the day.
She won’t sleep without someone holding her hand in her cot, she wakes screaming in the night, she’s very clingy and wants carrying everywhere.

These are all very unusual and not something she did previously, she’s always had the same bed routine and has gone to bed happily (bath, cuddles, milk and book, toilet for wee, then tucked into bed). Myself and my son follow the same routine, we know that she’s been through a lot in her short life and agree that love, consistency and routine are important.

Any ideas about what this could be please? Or how we can help her through it?

We’ve been looking at nurseries for her but don’t want to add the extra stress on top of whatever is going on and I just want her to be happy again.

I know that the situation is unusual but it’s her normal and it’s the way it’s going to be for the foreseeable future.

I asked chatGPT

I have two young kids.
this sounds correct.

Yes, it’s possible for a 25-month-old to temporarily regress after being sick. In toddlers, illness can affect routines, sleep, appetite, and overall energy, which sometimes leads to temporary changes in behavior or skills. Common regressions include:

• Language or speech: Using fewer words or phrases they previously used.
• Motor skills: Slower walking, climbing, or coordination.
• Potty training: If they were starting to show readiness.
• Sleep: Waking at night or needing extra comfort.
• Behavioral: Increased clinginess, tantrums, or separation anxiety.

This regression is usually temporary, and children often bounce back once they recover physically and emotionally. You can support them by maintaining routines, giving extra reassurance, and offering opportunities to practice skills in a low-pressure way.

If the regression persists for several weeks, is severe, or comes with other concerning symptoms (like loss of previously acquired skills, extreme lethargy, or developmental delays), it’s worth checking in with your pediatrician.
hope this helps.

Potty training regressions are normal, she's on the young side so I wouldn't worry too much about that. Similarly with sleep - they need different things at different times. She may also still be suffering from some post viral symptoms which are throwing her out of kitler, it can take weeks to get back to usual.

Did anything particularly scary happen? Did she see her dad (I think I'm understanding right that it was your son?) very unwell/visit him in hospital? I think things like that can have an impact and she'll need more reassurance from now to get back to herself. She's already had a fair bit of upheaval it sounds like so maybe the fact that another primary caregiver was suddenly unavailable has upset her.

Keep being consistent, reassuring, and also talking to her about it and trying to name the emotions she may have felt (scared, worried, sad)
.

Thank you so much. It’s put my mind at rest

Thank you, yes she did see my son poorly and had to spend different days with me than she normally would.
I’ve collected her tonight and her dad says that the toilet issue seems better and back to normal but the sleep time is much worse so I’ll see how we go tonight.

She does also know how to play the game so to speak. My husband (we don’t live together but he stays here while GD is here to help out) is wrapped around her little finger and she knows that he’s more likely to pick her up out of bed and hold her so she plays up more at night if he goes to her than she would if I go to her, so she shouts for him. She’s very clever 🤣

I’ll give it another week or so and see if she gets better then I’ll have a word with the doctor. Her dad is T1 diabetic and I have thyroid issues so we need to make sure it’s not an autoimmune problem.

knowing that’s it’s ‘normal’ is a worry off of my mind though, all I want is what’s best for my GD.

I really would try to talk more to her about how she felt when everyone was terribly ill. You can do this in a playful way, using dolls etc. It really sounds to me like she was scared and suddenly out of routine. Her understanding more about what happened and why it happened might help to reassure her, and so help her sleep.

I am quite jealous really that she's slept through the night from 3 months, that sounds like a dream! Mine was waking every 45 minutes 😅

How is your granddaughter getting on now, @MammarOfOne ? Is she seeming more herself?

Hello, she is back to normal with toileting, dry 90% of the time with just the odd accident when she’s playing too hard or we’re on a long journey.

Her dad says that her ‘attitude’ has been awful, she’s been violent towards him and a friends child. We don’t see that here but she gets 100% attention here, we do thing’s with her all day, she always comes first because we have time to do that. I do think that she needs to go to nursery and learn to play with other children but even though she’s entitled to 30 hours my son seems resistant to her going.

Sleep… well it’s been bad, up all night just screaming, I spent 3 nights just stood in her room so she could see me. But then I got her a night light thing. It’s really for babies, it’s a volcano with dinosaurs that slowly spin around it with music and another one which is a mushroom house with rabbits.

She’s obsessed and I put that on at night, have a chat telling her all that we are going to do the next day if she gets a good night sleep, sing our song and put on the night light.

I set a timer for 5 minutes and go and check on her. If she’s still awake I tuck her back in and go back downstairs and give her another 5 minutes. It has really worked… until tonight when I made a huge mistake and allowed her to sleep this afternoon (she doesn’t normally bother with naps, but I was exhausted and she laid with me) so I’m up and downstairs at the moment. That will teach me. 🤣

oh she has had thrush and a water infection so I’m hoping it was just that.