Playschool have concerns about almost 3 year old- completely different child at home

[meadows96]

Hi,

I am looking for some reassurance or similar experiences to help me from spiralling please.

My little boy is 3 next week and he started Playschool 3 months ago. He goes 4 mornings a week for 3 hours. He’s settled quickly and is happy going in and they always tell me has had a good day. The staff have never brought up any concerns before today.

I had his parent teacher meeting today and I was really shocked with the outcome. They told me he has no awareness of his peers and doesn’t engage with them. They said he has limited speech and no sentences and also limited eye contact. Basically, a list of autism red flags, which really upset me as my older son has autism and I was positive my 3 year old was developing on track.

The thing that upset me the most and shocked me is this is not one bit how he is at home and with others outside of Playschool. At home he talks in full sentences, has great comprehension, makes eye contact, responds to name, loves to socialise and gets so excited when his cousin comes over and other family members. He loves to play and plays functionally and uses pretend play. He uses joint attention, points. He loves cuddles and affection. He interacts with people well and loves doing nursery rhymes and action songs. Basically hit all his milestones with no concerns.

He genuinely seems like a different child at Playschool compared to at home. I’m confused and upset because I don’t recognise the child they described. I told them he wasn’t like this at home and they seemed surprised.

Has anyone else had a child who’s developing on track at home but very quiet or different at Playschool? Sometimes he can act shy in groups outside of Playschool so I’m wondering if this could be a factor?

Feeling really confused and overwhelmed and also disheartened as I felt he was getting on really well. I would love to hear similar experiences.

thanks in advance

Thing is both can be true. It's more than possible that his behaviour at preschool is cause for concern, but at home is fine.

But what you're describing at home is very different situation. He gets excited in seeing his cousin, for example. How old's his cousin, and are there other children around?

Because playing with an older child/adults who will make allowances, shows social immaturity, which is often mistaken for maturity - I had one of those myself. And two on their own, with parents supervising, it's very different than playing with peers in a group with less supervision.

It may be that he's shy, not had the experience the others have etc. But the first thing is you need to listen to preschool. He's not going to get a diagnosis if he doesn't need one. However if you stop a diagnosis when he needs one, then that will stop him getting the help that he needs.

Preschool are experienced in lots of children, whereas as parents we are experienced in our child. That means we are great with our child, but we don't necessarily have a good benchmark to spot issues with out child.

Totally agree with everything that Margaret has said. I also know that you have been a bit blindsided by all of this but ASD does run in families, it is totally possible that he is behaving in a totally different way to your DC1 but still has ASD.

What have the Playschool said they’ll do? Are they offering referrals for a hearing test, SaLT and Portage? Have you also spoken to your HV?