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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I don't want to be around 22 month DS. Does that make me a shit mother or does anyone else relate?

18 replies

bohemianbint · 07/06/2008 12:21

Just wondering how common this feeling is. Am a SAHM and 30 weeks pregnant with number 2. DS has been foul all week, just constant non stop whinging, whining, shouting and throwing things. Literally, all the time.

I live for the times when he is in bed. Am currently hiding in the loft away from the noise and letting DH deal with it. It's like water torture, so come the weekend when DH is around I end up making myself scarce, or they go out without me for the odd hour here and there.

I'm lucky DH is so good, but he really misses DS in the week. Whereas I've had more than enough by Friday night! I'm so tired and I know my tolerance is low but I feel guilty for actively avoiding my son! Is this quite common? How do you cope? Am praying it's a phase, because I am literally petrified about the prospect of having to look after 2 kids in 10 weeks time, especially if he's still being so hideous. It's making me feel quite depressed and am on such a short fuse.

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posieflump · 07/06/2008 12:23

It is so hard work being pregant and having another one to look after.
Is there any chance of a couple of hours a day putting him in a creche to give you a break
Do you go to loads of activities to get you out of the house
I found doing something everyday helped
Try the library for ideas of things to do with him

scorpio1 · 07/06/2008 12:25

you sound exhausted to me. Get DH t otake ds out for most of the day to soft play or something, you can have a bath, read, and eat in peace .

TinySocks · 07/06/2008 12:29

Sorry you are feeling depressed
Kids can be hard work sometimes. I am reading a fantastic book at the moment. DS can be a handfull but a couple of things have really workd for me:
1- Completely ignore all "junk" behaviour. Junk behaviour as in age-appropriate behaviour like tantruming, being difficult which is normal for little children and is part of growing up. The more you answer back, get upset, etc, the more you are reinforcing it because you are giving him attention.

2- When you DS does something good, whatever it is, shower him with praise and kisses.

He'll soon get the message that when he is good he gets your attention.

I know it sounds easier that it is, it is not easy. But it really DOES work, I have seen huge improvements with DS. It does take a little time and you have to keep you cool when he is being difficult.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 07/06/2008 12:29

Thank you. Normally we go out most days and do something which keeps him relatively quiet, but this week for a variety of reasons we've not done as much; had to wait in for a delivery and he was ill at the start of the week.

Weekends are more tricky as if we're not up and out on an entertaining mission by 8am he inevitably kicks off and I find it exhausting as I'm not naturally an on-the-go 24-7 kind of person.

I think it's the guilt thing that's the worst, I feel awful saying that I don't want to be anywhere near my own child.

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Tigerschick · 07/06/2008 12:30

Agree with both posie and scorpio.
Is there anyway of getting time away from your DS during the week? Even if you go to the gym/pool and put him in the creche for an hour or two.
I'm sure it is a phase that will pass very soon but you need to take care of yourself now.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 07/06/2008 12:32

TinySocks, what's the book?

I try to ignore as much as I can but when it's a constant wall of noise it's just hellish. Yesterday I had to make a phone call that couldn't be put off and he spent the whole time hitting me with his toy pushchair and shrieking. Stuff like that really riles me and I really struggle to know how to handle it.

I like to think I praise him a lot, but I do end up shouting "NO!" a hell of a lot as well.

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EBenes · 07/06/2008 12:37

My dd is very well behaved, watches telly quietly, sits and reads with her own books, and yet, when she has her nap in the afternoon, I always think, yay, me-time. I'm pregnant too (not as pregnant as you) and tired all the time. dh is great and plays with her in the morning (he's got flexible work hours) so everything is fine and dandy here, but even given the relative easiness of my life compared to yours, I need the rest time, I need time off every day. I feel the same guilt as you and worry I'm a shit mother too - because why would we want to spend even an hour away from our kids if we weren't shit mothers! - but there's something about chronic tiredness that stops you thinking straight and just makes you greedy for sleep and lying flat out.

EBenes · 07/06/2008 12:38

That said she is out now with parents in law and I am physically hurting missing her. Bloody hormones.

constancereader · 07/06/2008 12:38

Yesterday I had to make a phone call that couldn't be put off and he spent the whole time hitting me with his toy pushchair and shrieking. Stuff like that really riles me and I really struggle to know how to handle it.

I could have written that post. I am 23 weeks pg and also terrified at having to look after two.

You are not alone, don't feel bad!

constancereader · 07/06/2008 12:38

I could have written that post. I am 23 weeks pg and also terrified at having to look after two.

You are not alone, don't feel bad!

TinySocks · 07/06/2008 12:40

It is by an american author. It's called "The power of positive parenting" by Dr. Glenn Latham. (I know the name sounds all hippie dippie). Ofcourse the book covers other things, but the nitty gritty are the two points I mentioned before.

I know what you mean, it is really hard to keep your cool when you have a toddler being difficult, and 10 times worst when you are pregnant and tired. Don't feel guilty, you love your child, but you're only human and having someone moaning like that is really tiring. I REALLY UNDERSTAND.

If you manage to handle it for a few days, I promise you it works. I have really seen the changes in DS.

deaconblue · 07/06/2008 12:56

this sounds exactly like me from time to time. Last weekend totally lost it with ds and newborn dd after an afternoon on my own with them. Wanted to run away but ended up bunging both in the buggy and walking around the street sobbing to myself. I woke up the next morning determined to get tough with ds - had, like you, felt too knackered to fight with him at the end of the pregnancy - and so far have had better days.
I have found breaking hte day into 30 min chunks helps. So we do sticking and card making for a while, then get out puzzles, hten go to the park etc.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 07/06/2008 18:42

Thanks for the replies - you've all made me feel better! I think it helps just to hear other people are in the same boat, cos lets face it, in real life you don't often hear people saying they can't handle their own kids.

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deaconblue · 07/06/2008 20:10

too right. My stress last Saturday was compounded by my mother telling me "you never behaved like that, I wouldn't have allowed it". grrrrrrrrrrrrr

Shitemum · 07/06/2008 20:18

I have been stuck in the house since Monday with the 2 DDs, 4.8yo (who has chicken pox) and 1.8yo and I know exactly how you feel.

Today I walked out of the room twice when DD1 started whinging on at me again rather than turn into a raging harpy, again. This morning I could not have breakfast with them as my head was buzzing with built up rage and just the sound of their voices was pushing me rapidly over the edge. I physically could not stay in the room with them a minute longer without throwing something...so I left DP to deal with them.
This evening as I walked out of their bedroom with them safely in bed I punched the air with both fists and let out a silent whoop of relief...

They are usually ok but we all have major cabin fever after chicken pox house arrest...and DD2 will probably get it now...[screaming and tearing hair emoticon]

deaconblue · 07/06/2008 20:30

a tip for you. This week when ds got really whingy I told him I'm going to another room to read a story and told him he can come and listen IF he stops whinging. If he follows and continues whinging I get up and move room until eventually he shuts up and we have a nice story together.

scattyspice · 07/06/2008 20:48

Hi haven't read it all but I felt just the same when DS at that age (he's now a fantastic/fun to be with nearly 5yo).
DD was born when he was 20mnths and it was hard going. DDs paediatrician said that 20mnths is a notoriously tricky age as minimal common sense and maximum energy. They have so much they want to do and get sooo frustrated.
I coped by taking reg breaks, DS went to nursery 2 days/wk so I could spend time with DD and DH spent lots of time with him at weekends they have a lovely bond as a result).

DS got steadily easier to live with fromabout 2.5. Good luck.

Original poster

bohemianbint · 08/06/2008 19:11

Thank you for the tips. Much appreciated, just nice to know am not evil!

Shitemum, sounds like you're having a rubbish time, massive sympathies. I can totally relate to the having to leave the room thing. I remember once, ages ago, having to just go into the utility room, close the door behind me and kicking crap out of the back door. Not great and really hurt my foot but made me feel better somehow.

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