Behavior Crisis

[CWG1986]

Please tell me I'm not the only one going through this.

I'm really struggling with my 4.5DD behaviour. She has always been stubborn and fiery but my goodness its at a whole new level. She throws tantrum after tantrum when she doesnt get her own way. Its draining.

Bedtime is the worse as she likes to control every aspect. We have always had the same routine so it should come as no surprise. The routine is usually fine until its time to get into bed. Then the screaming and aggressive behaviour starts. She pinches and hits.

We have tried all the ways of getting her to settle. Leaving her. The 3 x back to bed technique. You name it, we've tried it. We really thoight once she started school, which she did in September, that she would start listening more.... but alas, that has not happened.

She always wants Mum to do everything and won't let Dad help unless Mum leaves the house (which is do regularly at bedtime so she gets used to Dad doing it). We have always split bedtimes so she hasn't been used to Mum doing it all the time. I have no idea what to do and im at my wits end.

Like a lot of parents, we both work full time and I just want the time we get to spend together to be calmer and better but its just not happening.

Any words of wisdom to help a exasperated Mumma out?! 🙏🏼

Sounds like she may be overwhelmed and maybe overtired?

What time is she getting home? What are your evenings like? And what time do you start bedtime?

Thanks for your reply.

We get home about 5pm. She has had the same pick up time since starting nursery at 9 months. Now shes at school she goes to after school club (which she loves).

We get home and have dinner as a family and then she has a little downtime to play/colour before starting to go up to bed around 6.30. We try to get her in bed for 7 but that's gone out the window lately. Go up at 6pm on bath nights.

Before bed we always have a cuddle and read a book and she likes to sing a couple of songs.

If you talk to her about it at a completely different time of day, when everyone is calm and relaxed, can she say why she doesn't want to get into bed? Or can you ask if she has any ideas for how to make it better? Go in kindly, genuinely curious about what she's feeling and what she thinks.

Sometimes you can take the heat out of this particular argument by letting them look at books, listen to music, etc. For us, it's protests of 'I'm not tired!', met by a calm 'okay, what book would you like?'...and usually they turn out the bedside light and are asleep 10 minutes later.

For some people it works to take it a step further and allow quiet play in her room, leave it to her to get into bed when she's ready. And for the purposes of breaking the cycle she's in at the moment, I personally wouldn't worry too much if she fell asleep on the rug a few times and had to be lifted into bed.

How confident are you that 7pm is the correct bedtime for her? It's a common one at that age, certainly, but some children need less sleep than others.