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8 month old separation anxiety and crying.

1 reply

wobblytwo · 03/11/2025 15:34

Desperately looking for advice as I’m so exhausted and miserable.

My LO is 8.5 months and has always cried quite a bit, as they do. I think we’ve hit the separation anxiety and I’m finding it so difficult to cope. I used to be able to pop her down for 10 minutes or so but my baby will not be put down at all.

She can’t sleep in her cot at all, I’m now cosleeping all night. I’ve tried leaving her to fall asleep in there & transferring. Neither work. She’ll wake before I’ve even lowered her. I’ve tried controlled crying which the HV told me off for. She won’t fall asleep being cuddled or rocked, only BF. Won’t settle for DP. She’s still up 4-6 times a night and will only be fed back to sleep.

She will only contact nap on DP or fall asleep on the boob with me, doesn’t fall asleep on me cuddling. She’s very ‘on the go’, won’t sit and fall asleep on you, you have to basically restrain her into a cuddle. Again, wakes up if I try to put her down. I’ve tried starting her off in the cot but she’ll stand up and scream. And it’s a scream, not a whinge or cry. I’ve tried sitting in the cot with her but she’ll scream too.

She won’t be put down at all in the day. I do sometimes use a carrier but it’s not always convenient if I’m hoovering the stairs or cleaning the oven for example. I can’t even shower or brush my teeth until DP is home because I genuinely cannot listen to the screaming, it makes me so anxious. DP works long hours and is often out the house 6am til gone 11pm so not able to save these jobs for when he’s home. I don’t have time to eat and it’s a struggle making foods for the baby too.

I’ve tried putting her in the highchair with snacks & toys. I have an activity table that I move about the house so that she can always see me but she wants to be held. She’s been crawling and cruising for a while so I think she just dislikes being contained. She really works herself up until she’s hyperventilating and I feel so bad. I’ve tried keeping her occupied with the telly too but rarely works.

Any wisdom please?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Miss1983 · 11/11/2025 23:13

Hey so sorry you are going through this.

My 10 month old is extremely clingy she co sleeps and has done since about 5 months (after i weaned her from dummy which she took whilst sleeping in her moses basket and tried to get her to sleep in her cot) often wants to be held and screams if I put her in her cot like it's terrible, i cannot do cry it out method or any of that as shebgets in a state she does play independently but when she wants me she is hell bent.

I would say to hang on in there i know exactly how u feel the screaming and standing I cant leave my girl in her cot standing as she starts jumping about and banged her jaw other day I was literally sitting and talking to her

One thing my daughter loves is her reflection I have 2 small baby mirrors that I try to have at hand when im trying to refocus her. She also loves her books and has a few favourite soft toys. To encourage her playing independently I often pretend to talk to her favourite toys as of they're whispering to me, clapping and hugging then I get us to do it as a mini group and she often engages and then hugs /babbles to them herself and usually happy to play independently. Ive found that she gets distracted by lamp/changing colour and sounds of waves/rain i bought a lamp/sound machine from v tech before she was born and when i need a few mins to distract her hile tidying up ..I change the plain color to the rainbow so it changes colour and have the rain/waves playing that usually chills her out for a few mins if she's been a bit teary.

Additionally ive found singing 2 lil nursery songs she's familiar with the actions usually helps to stop tears (wind the bobbin up and round the garden like a teddy bear) because she knows the clap is going to come and she engages and also the tiggle. When im super stressed I just start singing either one of these tbh.

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