To summarise:
Seven year old son J, very loving one minute and like a firecracker the next! His twin sister G, is placid and able to use reason, (e.g. able to discuss with her brother why a particular act or behaviour is unreasonable). J can be so kind and loving- to animals, to babies, to extended family. He is arty and loves music, school, mostly v happy! He loves building things and being busy.
His shouting & screaming, swiping at / hitting, refusal to follow requests or instruction is directed specifically at me & my husband, altho’ can be mean to his sibling too.
Repeatedly says he “hates” me / my husband, this is the go to phrase - depressing.
Seems to turn just against his immediate family, school is good. Zero patience, wants things immediately (sibling can wait patiently) starts spiralling if we reason, say no/ explain. The whining can go on and on. Casts things up again after, needs the last word.
His behaviour can spiral downwards rapidly, “poor me”, immediately feeling he’s not getting same (sweets, whatever…) his sibling is getting, it is relentless! Been like this for years. Then, will switch as quick as the anger came and want cuddles, closeness, playing - like water of a duck’s back. Same with sibling, plays beautifully then pushes away with mean behaviour.
Any advice? I am soooo tired of reading up on advice online, audiobooks with parenting advice buying gizmos to try, latest being Traillies cards (anyone try them?!)
I think we are patient parents, we explain, we show love, we talk, there are consequences, we praise good behaviour. He knows the difference between right and wrong. He is a bright boy just so dis-regulated sometimes.
My teacher Uncle doesn’t think he’s autistic (can walk away happily mid-task, ok with change) Online advice re ADHD doesn’t quite “sit” either.
We live on the outskirts of a town, detached house. Hate to think what surrounding neighbours would make of his shouting were we surrounded by neighbours.
What should we try next? Thanks.