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Parents and nudity - when should we cover up?

38 replies

oxocube · 09/01/2003 12:18

Sorry if this sounds like a daft question, but can I just ask mums with older kids, when did you begin to feel it was no longer appropriate for your kids to see you naked. I ask because I have 3 kids- ds aged 7, dd aged 5 and ds2 who is 14 months. I have never been particularly bothered if the kids see me in the bath or getting dressed etc. but my older son is now becoming increasingly curious about 'how babies are made' and aware of sex in general. I have never been embarassed to answer his questions but I am beginning to feel a little awkward if he walks into the bathroom when I am undressed because he is obviously taking in a lot more than he did when he was younger.

Although my dd sometimes gets into the bath with me still, I feel it would be inappropriate for my older ds. Does there come a point where you have to say to your kids "I would like to be private" or do they just become aware of this themselves? Interestingly, ds no longer likes to dress/undress in front of anyone else (except the baby!)

Hope this doesn't sound too silly a question! Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Copper · 13/01/2003 13:39

Oxocube
any modesty we had seemed to have disappeared with the impossibility of ever going to the loo without children coming in too. My dd wanted her own privacy from about 10, but doesnt care about anybody elses. My ds (now 10) did have a time when he actually looked at me getting dressed, which my dh didn't like very much, but I didn't particularly mind and pretended not to notice(I felt if he wanted to look it was for growing awareness rather than 'desire' [nobody would get much fun from looking at me unless they were into Rubens in a big way!]). Having got past this brief stage, he stopped doing it and is back to just accepting it as normal. My 2 ds's at 10 and 8 do like to shut teh door when they are in the bath, but I think this is just to guarantee a bit of peace and quiet.

What I think I'm saying is that looking is just a phase. In my view it was better not to make a big thing about it, and he would grow up knowing that real women don't look like the usual media depictions of them

Tortington · 13/01/2003 19:50

we were watching the salon on the telly and a family was having a sauna and my 9 yr son said "aaaaaaaaw mum thats discustin' theres bra's everywhere!" this discussion came to mind straight away so i asked him why it was distgusting, cos i wear my bags ( bra) round the house all the time, he replied "yeah but you dont count"!!! think thats a compliment

what with gruds and bags i think am evealing more than i ought to!

Chelle · 13/01/2003 22:56

As kids my brother, sister and I would bathe together well into childhood. Even as teenagers we closed but never locked our bathroom door and anyone else could come in to use the toilet at any time (and often did). My parents tended a bit towards the nudist side of things and would walk around the house naked (from bedroom to bathroom and vice versa, not naked all the time) and would take us swimming at nudist beaches (this is in Australia in summer before you all start shivering ). We went swimming at nudist beaches until I decided I didn't want to go there anymore, I think I was about 12 or 13, but I didn't mind seeing anyone else naked, just didn't want people at the beach to see me naked anymore. My Dad stopped wandering around the house naked sometime when I was at highschool (probably about 16 or 17 years old) as he got a nasty shock when he wandered into the loungeroom starkers to see three of my girlfriends sitting staring at him open-mouthed! We stopped seeing Mum naked after she had a mastectomy.

DS (3.5 years) still bathes with either DH or I (and his little sister who is 8 months old) and will still come into bed with us every now and then (we sleep naked). He is fascinated by the whole "boys have a penis (which he calls a peeny - a word of his own invention) and girls don't" thing and likes to try and have a good look but it purely inoccent inquisitiveness so I try to state the facts and not make a big deal out of it. I think we will cover up in front of the children if/when it makes them uncomfortable.

Ghosty · 14/01/2003 08:10

A very interesting thread ... I love reading others' view points on topics like this. I grew up in an environment much like Alibubbles and Chelle ... mind you when there are four teenagers in a house and only one bathroom (no separate loo) we had to be flexible about people coming in and out.
When we went on family holidays we had to be comfortable with eachother too ... I was a little embarrassed when I was 14 and my parents took us to a nudist beach so that they could get an all over tan ... but it didn't last long - I kept my swimming costume on and so did my sister so we just got on with it.
In terms of my ds ... if I felt I had to have a shower in private I would only be able to shower at night or at 5am! As I can't face the day without a shower the door stays open so that ds can wander in and out whilst playing with his toys and I can keep an eye on him!
He is aware that mummy has boobies and daddy doesn't and that he and daddy have willies but we don't make it an issue ... it is just a fact like the sky is blue and mummy has a red car ... and I don't think it should be an issue.
I hope that we can stay that way always ... he is still only 3 ...
Not really making any point here ... just blabbing ... sorry!

Ghosty · 14/01/2003 08:10

A very interesting thread ... I love reading others' view points on topics like this. I grew up in an environment much like Alibubbles and Chelle ... mind you when there are four teenagers in a house and only one bathroom (no separate loo) we had to be flexible about people coming in and out.
When we went on family holidays we had to be comfortable with eachother too ... I was a little embarrassed when I was 14 and my parents took us to a nudist beach so that they could get an all over tan ... but it didn't last long - I kept my swimming costume on and so did my sister so we just got on with it.
In terms of my ds ... if I felt I had to have a shower in private I would only be able to shower at night or at 5am! As I can't face the day without a shower the door stays open so that ds can wander in and out whilst playing with his toys and I can keep an eye on him!
He is aware that mummy has boobies and daddy doesn't and that he and daddy have willies but we don't make it an issue ... it is just a fact like the sky is blue and mummy has a red car ... and I don't think it should be an issue.
I hope that we can stay that way always ... he is still only 3 ...
Not really making any point here ... just blabbing ... sorry!

Ghosty · 14/01/2003 08:12

sorry ... don't know why that came up twice!

Lara2 · 14/01/2003 18:12

No privacy means that they do see the naked bodies! ds1 is 10 and since he was 8 has decided that he doesn't want me to see him naked (too often) and has a thing about ds2 (5) taking his clothes off and being naked. ds2 is a natural nudist - but usually only in the garden and on the beach!! I don't mind them seeing me or dh - if it bothers them, then of course I'll respect their feelings. I started wearing things to bed when co-sleeping with ds1 - something very painful about tiny toes caught in your pubic hair in the middle of the night!! OUCH!

zebra · 15/01/2003 04:18

I'm grateful for this thread because I have been wondering the same thing. My mother used to walk around nude (a lot) and use the loo without shutting the door, and I hated it. She really imposed her nakedness on us,is how it felt. Plus, she used to harangue me for not wanting to be nude in front of her (or anybody). I'm sort of like Lindy; the more nudist my mom went, the more prudish I became.

Lately I have started closing the door when I use the loo in the name of "privacy" which both 3yo & 15m old seem to except. The remaining issue for me is DH, who sleeps in the buff. My dad never went nude, and I feel very strange about DH's nudity in front of our DD as she gets older, in an unspecified way.

honeybunny · 15/01/2003 19:51

I don't think I've ever had a problem with nudity. M+D never covered up as far as I remember. Even now I'll go and sit in the bathroom and chat to either one having a bath. I dont close the door on the lav either, but that may stem from boarding school days where the junior bathrooms didnt have doors on (8-10yo) seniors for some reason did but no-one really closed them either. dh hates it if he walks in on me having more than a pennies worth! ds1 (26mo)has to follow me everywhere at the moment including the loo, and loves a bath with me or dh. He loves pointing out my caesarian scar and telling me that he came out of there!
My brother on the other hand has always been a bit prudish, but perhaps like Zebra, it pushed him into the "cover it up" stakes.
Perhaps it also influenced my choice of career. As a physio student you spend most of the first year being proded and poked in your bra and knickers.

berries · 15/01/2003 19:58

DH started to wear PJs in bed when dd1 was about 2.5, as she developed the rather unnerving habit of dissapearing under the covers for a 'furtle' with his willie when she got into bed with us
Luckily, out of sight seems to have been out of mind. We're still fairly relaxed about it, if they come into the bathroom when we're showering, they see us naked, & vice versa. DD1 has started to request privacy on odd occassions (she's 7) but still seems quite happy with everyone coming in for a chat when she's on the loo (I think she gets bored otherwise). DD2 would just rather do without clothes full stop.
BTW when we went on holiday the end of our beach was a nudist beach. Full of families with mum & dad happily starkers & kids between 8 & 13 wearing full costume (& trying to pretend to be with someone else)

Lindy · 15/01/2003 20:11

Thanks Zebra - I was beginning to feel very old fashioned on this thread! I so think there is some truth in what you say in that children will always be embarressed about their parents - whatever they do or say! We just can't win.

I personally don't much like my DH sleeping naked next to me, I would much rather he covered up - but he won't, unless it's freezing!

Luckily my DS (22 months) has never followed me into the loo, I always shut the door, & when I come out he proudly tells me 'mummy wee wee' !

Bozza · 15/01/2003 21:33

Lindy - never?! My DS is the same age and will cry at the door if I lock it or open it otherwise. Then he proceeds to try and put the toilet lid down while I'm still sat on it. I've encouraged him to a point in the hope that it will help with his potty training. No signs just yet though.

jasper · 15/01/2003 21:42

Lindy and Zebra my mum and dad were also great nude wanderers (my dad covered up a bit more as we got older) an I did not like it at all the older I got. My mum would say things like "for goodness sake you've not got anything we haven't seen before" when I made it obvious I was not happy for her to see ME naked!
Also the thought of my dh sleeping wothout pjs makes me want to groo

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