Hello everyone,
We are parents to a three, almost four-year-old, and she's having a hard time at kindergarden currently due to her being fixated with one friend who is rejecting her and playing with someone else. The two were best friends, but this other girl has since struck up a friendship with another boy in the group. They're very close. Their two families hang out, they have playdates, and the two kids talk about the playdates in the group, to me, and also in front of our daughter. Our daughter talks a lot about this other girl, and wants to play, but is being excluded.
It was similar at daycare, where she attached quite strongly to one other girl. And in both daycare and kindergarden, she's developed a strong attachment to one carer in particular, and can be nervous and stressed during drop-off on days when that carer is not in.
Our girl is very shy (I don't use the word with her...) and it takes her so long to feel comfortable in new situations. My husband and I are very conscious with her; we allow her space for her emotions and approach with patience and empathy. We talk about with her about other kids in the group and have started to organise playdates with the parents of these other kids. We talk about feelings too. I would say though that my husband is not the most emotionally available, and he is also very anxious. He used to be very social but - and being very honest here - he had addiction problems a few years back. He's clean now and we have no concerns of him relapsing, but he's become someone who's very inside himself, and he tends to sweep things under the carpet and not face up to problems or conflict.
I am from one country, my husband from the UK, and we live in a third country. Neither of us are the most social, so we don't spend a lot of time with other parents and/or kids. Despite living abroad, our daughter does really well seeing my parents and his, about 4-5 times a year each, and she is strongly attached to both. But we live in a small flat where we all share a bedroom; we hardly have guests over...I think this is a factor too. Both of us are very self-conscious about feeling like outsiders socially with the other kindergarden children.
In a nutshell. We're unsure if her behaviour is normal and/or it's a stage she needs to be helped through or whether somehow we are influencing it or harming her development somehow - and indeed whether there's anything we can do to help her.
This has turned into a long message. I'm trying to paint a detailed picture because I think there could be one or two factors at play.
Thanks for any shared experiences or indeed advice anyone can offer. And thank you for reading this far.
Roberta