22 month old is so antisocial!

[BookMama23]

My son is 22 months old. For about 6 months now he's become so antisocial. He's been close to my cousin (let's call her Leanne) her husband (Carl) and her 2 kids (Sarah & Daniel) since he was a newborn (they live across the road from us and see him nearly every day) but now he won't have anything to do with them if me or his dad are there.
Leanne sometimes babysits for us or (rarely) has him overnight just because she likes spending time with him and when he's with her and her family alone he's absolutely fine, but if me and/or his dad are there he won't speak to them, let them pick him up or play with them. He also won't have anything to do with my brother and his girlfriend who he spends a lot of time with, his Grandparents (my mum/stepdad and dad/stepmum, his dad's mum isn't involved at all, her choice), my sister and her son and basically anyone else. (All of his family (apart from my cousin and her husband/kids) he only ever sees with us there, bc none of them have ever asked to take him out/look after him)

If people speak to him or try to pick him up, cuddle him or play with him he screams at them. He's always grumpy. If we're in the house and its just us and him, he's fine, he'll laugh and play independently and with us and is genuinely happy, but anywhere outside the house he's miserable and tantrums.
It's suffocating me because it's getting to the point where I don't want to take him out because I know how he's going to behave. I'm a stay at home mum and my partner works full time so its just us most of the time at home. I spend a fortune taking him on lovely days out and he just doesn't enjoy anything or being with anyone, he just clings to me constantly. I used to be a nursery nurse before he was born but I've never known a child like this. He's so clingy to me, I can't go to the bathroom or make a brew without him kicking off because I've left the room and now I feel I can't take him out either. My world is getting smaller and smaller because of my child's behaviour and I don't know what to do or why he's like this. I love him so much and he is genuinely such a happy, fun, loving boy when he's at home and I can't understand why he's so different around other people, especially my cousins family because he's so close to them and sees them nearly every day. He should be almost as attached to them as he is to us but all he shows around them is unlikeable behaviour. Please help, I dont know how to make it better 😭😭

*names have been changed

That all must be very difficult. The first thing I’d stop is spending a fortune on days out. It doesn’t sound as though either of you are enjoying them.

It does sound like separation anxiety. I would totally lean into it. If you go for a wee, take him with you. Have a small box of things he can play with in each room so that you can plonk him down and get in with what you need to do.

Don’t encourage him to go to others. He will when he’s ready.

How is he if you take him to playgroup?

I wish it were as simple as taking him into every room with me, but there are things in every room that he can mess with which makes that difficult. For example in the kitchen, we have a pantry which has no door and no baby gate so he can access everything on the shelves as they're not very high up, we cant move them because the pantry is small, the stairs are also in the kitchen but there's no baby gate on those either because we cant afford multiple baby gates at the moment (there is one on the door between the living room and kitchen so the stairs/kitchen aren't accessible for him from the living room). The bathroom is also tiny so there's no storage in there, meaning cleaning supplies are stored next to the toilet (he's never ever got access to the bathroom alone), and he will pull the toilet roll so it unravels and throw as much as he can down the toilet if you don't stop him fast enough, which is hard to do if you're in the middle of using the toilet😅 He's very much a child that will grab anything at all he can reach, so I don't do housework with him there, I do it all when he's in bed as I can't have eyes in the back of my head to do jobs and stop him causing havoc at the same time so I'd end up with more mess than I started with. He wouldn't entertain a box of toys in a room where he can grab all the interesting things he's not supposed to play with😂 We're slowly making adjustments to the house so that these things aren't an issue anymore but things like babyproofing and storage cost money that we don't have so we have to do tiny bits at a time. It's really hard because he's been clingy like this since birth. As a baby I couldn't even put him down without him screaming, he's contact napped from day 1 because he wouldnt go down in a moses basket/cot, he would just scream his head off until he was picked up. We play a lot with his toys in the living room and read lots of books etc so he gets loads of attention and love but it feels like it's not enough. If I dare leave the room for even 2 seconds all hell breaks loose.

He enjoys his groups and we go to a lot of them, but I have to be by his side the majority of the time. He parallel plays alongside the other children as he should for his age but if anyone speaks to him (group leaders/other parents etc) he scowls at them. I had a feeling it was separation anxiety, but how do I make it better? I want him to be confident and enjoy himself knowing that I'll always come back. Currently it makes me feel guilty ever going anywhere/doing anything without him because I don't think he has the faith in me that I'll come back for him. I don't know what I've done wrong to not give him that confidence😞

Sorry for the long reply, but I feel all the context is important. Thanks for reading x