Going to other peoples houses on their own.

[saaa]

My son is 5 1/2. He is a more sensitive lad, and has always hated going somewhere without mummy.Starting preschools, etc have always been troublesome. Some of my friends whom he has known for a long time he is happy for me to drop him off and he will stay there on his own.He feels slightly anxious about it, but goes because he knows he will enjoy it. But..... there is one family, we have known them for a number of years, the youngest friend is a lovely boy and he and DS play really well together. He comes to ours one week after school then ds goes to his the next week. DS has never really liked the parents and finds it hard going there on his own. This week he was in tears, not wanting to go!I know they tease him abit, and he finds that difficult. I don't want to lose his friend ship with the little boy, who lives close by. They are not at the same school. I've had the little chats about ignoring the teasing, and we've discussed what it is he doesn't like, but am I right to continue with this?

Personally I wouldn't make him go if he's crying about it,it's really not worth the hassle tbh and I think we should respect their fears/worries.

Could you go with him as a reassurance.

My ds is a bit funny at times about going places without me and I just accept it-he's only 5 after all.

Hello Saaa

It's very hard when you are in this situation because you dont want to offend the parents I know.
Well I would say something like, ' I am finding that DS is very tired at the end of school , I will have to stop him coming for a while'. I have done this for my own ds for the reverse reason, namely he is happy to go to his friends BUT he actually does get too overtired next day plus friend does silly things like jumps off his bunkbed onto my ds head, which, call me neurotic, but I would rather prevent even if ds laughs it off AFTER he has stopped crying. AND I was there at the time, so god knows what the mother would let go on were I not there.

We are all different and I hate to upset other people but were my son coming home that upset I would, for my own peace of mind, find an excuse not to take him:

eg;

I/We (if appropriate - sorry saa do not know obviously your home situation) need to spend some time together with him after school.

The only time we can do his reading book is after school then its tea, bath and bed.

He is having a bit of a hard time adjusting to school and does not feel very sociable at the mo after a long day.

OR, the short but honest,

Look, he is a bit sensitive and was very upset --- was teasing him last time - and now he wont come again without me. I am sure you can see it would be unfair for me to push it on him.

And stuff what they say or act like if it goes down badly and if they dont like it hard cheese - remember he has YEARS of making new and exciting friendships - respect his wishes he has made his mind up -Good luck though whatever you decide X

Hi frecklyspeckly and ggirl, thankyou for showing that you understand. I was feeling awkward about the "what to say to them" part of it. But you are right if he is not enjoying going then stop it.
But a little part of me says "but the big wide world is full of people who tease, better he learns coping mechanisms now".
I'd love to go the 'short but honest' way as you described, let's hope I can.

I think it's fine to make excuses if you find that easier. The world is full of people who can be unkind but he is very little now. I can remember going to play at a house that had a dark corridor between the sitting room and the kitchen when I was about that age. I was too scared to walk through it on my own and the mum just told me I was silly, so I stayed, terrified, in the sitting room. I'm not scared of dark corridors now, but I still remember how afraid I felt. The point of that ramble being, if he doesn't want to go, I wouldn't make him.