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OK - how much slack should I cut my dd?

7 replies

seeker · 04/06/2008 09:33

On Friday night ds (7) had a nasty accident on his bike. It was all very scary -his face is pretty battered and he had to have an anaesthetic for them to set his wrist and we were all pretty stressed out. The timings of it all meant two very late nights and early mornings for dd (12). Ds is fine now, charging about as if nothing had happened, managing his cast fine and relentlessly cheerful. Dp, who witnessed the accident and had to do the going to hospital and staying the night bit is recovering (only occasionally bursts into tears, and only asks me once an hour if I think it was his fault).

Dd, on the other hand is being a total pain in the neck - stroppy, moody, weepy - not like her at all. I am making lots of allowances - she's tired, she and ds adore each other so she's worried about him, and she was absolutely brilliant at the time so this is partly reaction to being so grown up them. I also think she's jealous of all the attention ds is getting, then feeling horrible because she's ashamed of feeling jealous - if you see what I mean.

How long do I go on letting her get away with behaviour that I wouldn't usually tolerate? I've tried to talk to her about how she feels, but she just shouts at me! Any ideas/advice?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
cory · 04/06/2008 09:59

Just sending lots of hugs to all of you! Don't think there is a definite answer here; times like these stress everybody out. Big hugs!

seeker · 04/06/2008 10:25

Thank you, all hugs gratefully received!

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Othersideofthechannel · 04/06/2008 10:25

How distressing for you all.

When we have a weekend at grandparents with seriously reduced sleep because all the cousins share a room it takes the DCs at least three days to become refreshed and themselves again (rather than overtired monsters). They are 5 and 3 so not sure how relevant this is.

You cite lots of additional reasons for your DD to be upset so I'd give her a few more days.

I would try to give her some extra time without focusing on the accident/talking about it.

You could also try that 'let them overhear you praise them' thing suggested in the 'how to talk' book. Eg When you are speaking to family on the phone and she is within earshot, talk about how helpful it was that she was so grown up.

Hassled · 04/06/2008 10:29

I think cut her lots of slack in the circumstances - and make sure she knows that she was a star at the time. It's bound to have really shaken her up and her "What if..?" imagination might be working overtime - coming up with nighmare scenarios that could have happened. Poor all of you.

seeker · 04/06/2008 10:50

Thank you - I'm a bit inclined to be brisk and "brace up and form squares" about this sort of thing - my mother's favourite saying was "Oh nonsense, you're fine!" I shall be gentle.

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julesrose · 04/06/2008 17:50

can you get any one to one time with her?

seeker · 04/06/2008 20:22

Spooky, julesrose - I just have. Ds has gone to Beavers and dp's at work, so she and I have had a lovely time eating strawberries and watching mindless telly on the beanbag. She cuddled up and forgot she was 12 and sucked her thumb! I think things will get better from now - thanks everyone - particularly whoever said about her overhearing me praising her -I've done that this evening too.

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