Todays meltdown & feeling isolated in potential SEN, those not understanding me.

[13MAPARTHELL]

My 4 year old, not yet diagnosed BUT advised he very likely has a mix of austim & adhd - he’s behaviours are so extreme, and I struggle with SEN resources I’ve received which are targeted to stereotypes in austim. For example, my child has autistic traits in social development, not other areas.

he started school in September & its been hell on earth, every morning and after school everyday.

today, he asked to go to the shop, I said no - he has obsessions with food. He smashed my work laptop, smashed 2 glasses on the coffee table, threw just about everything in my house, tipped the bin out on my new sofa, hes so fast and I have another child aged 3, im trying to juggle that - I put him in hes room, locked baby gate, run downstairs to check my youngest, 2 minutes later the front door is open, im chasing him 4 blocks hes got no socks or shoes on, I dont have time to grab my 3 year old whose then unattended with the door open! I sprint, he hurts his foot on glass, I sprint back, door is closed and child locked in, me locked out

its my fault I have double locks and I must have forgotten to double lock it, and hes pulled the bloody latch etc

this is every day, my partner is considering leaving his well paid job to work part time or something, because I actually cant do it anymore on my own, ive been attacked in my face and spat at called names, I know hes only 4 but this is hardest 4 years of my life & nobody gets it!

please if anyone has a child similar please reach out

My 4 year olds autistic but he's presents quite differently, however things I think could be worth doing;
Booking a meeting with the school senco to discuss everything they can put in place there
An OT referral as they can talk about home adaptations from a safety perspective (but in the meantime Amazon sells tapo motion sensing cameras and motion sensors for doors, we ve got some and they re very cost effective)
See if your local children's centre has a Sen parents group as they can walk you through how everything works locally.
Also look up the PDA society as it's sounding like there could be some element of demand avoidance going on to.
Finally, if you haven't already get a DLA application in and then once that's sorted apply for universal credit or carers allowance as appropriate.

My son's got no sense of danger and is 3+ years delayed language wise so although it sucks sometimes having an incredibly minimal home we pretty much gutted the living room so it's only sofas, his toys and the TV mounted very high so there's nothing really he can break now and I have found that's made things a lot easier in general.

I think the advice above is very good. Just wanted tp ask if he has an ECHP in place yet?

And have you found the SN Children or the SN Chat sections yet? They’re also likely to be helpful

Have you tried using social stories? I have 2 autistic boys, one who is very calm and one who also blows up. The one who blows up has better understanding so I use social stories with him about the importance of turn taking and using ‘kind hands’. It could also be that your son has a PDA profile (Pathological Demand Avoidance) which often means the word ‘no’ can trigger them to lash out and have meltdowns - sometimes you need to reframe/ reword your responses eg ‘we are heading home now but we can talk about the shop later - would you like (favourite snack)? Are you hungry?’ (Ignore me if you’ve tried these things already btw, just thinking about strategies I’ve tried to implement)