My DS1 (5) told schoolfriend: "I'm going to kill your family" -- help!

[BEAUTlFUL]

My DS1 (5) is what you'd call a handful, but this is the worst behaviour yet... Today in the playground, he told his best schoolfriend, "I'm going to kill your whole family and break your favourite CD player".

What made it worse is that this friend is very gentle and quiet and a worrier. He was sobbing, really upset.

We have told DS1 that he has no TV/computer today because he said such a cruel thing, and no TV/computer tomorrow because he kept saying those things after his friend was visibly upset. I also got him to ring his friend & apologise.

Is this freakishly abnormal behaviour and should I take him to a child psychologist? Or was he just trying to say the worst things he could think of? (The fact that he said, "...and break your CD player" makes me think he was just deliberately thinking of nasty things to say.) (But that's pretty bad in itself, isn't it?)

I'll take anything you can give me! whether it's, "That's normal" or "You must be the worst mother ever and have spawned a future psychopath".

am inclined to think he is repeating something he has heard rather than meaning it at aged 5 - where would he have overheard this though? tv/video game? I don't know

poor you and poor wee upset soul

dd (nearly 4) is currently trying out quite violent verbal stuff like 'I'm going to poke your eyes out' 'stamp on your head' etc. All said with a smile on her face. She is very gentle. Really!

I think yes, he is trying to think of something really bad to say and has no sense of what it really means.

I think the apologising is very important, and more important than the punishment - but I would explain to him why saying things like that is totally unacceptable and then come down hard on him if he does it again.

yer does he watch any films or programmes as might have heard it fromthere, my ds was puting telly on in his roo watchng guy n two pints of lagern packet of crisps the little horror, he says "arh love this progamme" he s 5. i had to take out of his room n just put dvd/tape in there so knew what he was watching

I think most if not all kids will at some point try to say the nastiest things they can think of, and it's kind of not too bad a sign that he's adding 'I'll break your CD player' as though killing the family isn't enough - this kind of suggests he doesn't really understand the gravity of what he says.
He should still apologise, obviously, and have it explained to him that it's not good to say things that make other people cry, but I very much doubt you're raising a future Michael Ryan or anything.

yer kids mess with words, they live a fantasy world, once its sorted though i woud not mention it again as he probably feels bloody awful now, he did not undrstand my ds is 5 and would not have a clue either

I think it could be my fault, actually . At the weekend I was tidying up and said to him, in a mad panicky rush, "Don't touch that [mirror I'd just polished] or I'll kill you!"

Of course he immediately, naughtily, touched it with this big smile. Not hard enough to touch it, but just laying a finger on.

As a joke, I said, "Oh, that's it. I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you now." Then it was a bit of banter between us, him saying, "Kill me!" and my saying, "Well, you just finish your lunch and I'll kill you in a minute."

However, he was laughing his head off & not sobbing like his friend was.

Bloody Hell. That is spectacularly bad parenting, isn't it.

Oh Beautiful, every parent has moments like this. But what your DS has to learn (and will learn, they all do) is that saying things that make people cry (and not stopping when people get upset) is naughty - what is actually said is a bit irrelevant.

god know i say exactly the same thing if you do ghat agai i'll bloody kill ya, dont feel bad about it as these things happen dont forget everything they do is based around it power rangers etc they all invole soe kind of violencs n bet u he wont say it agin, god my little boy called me a t* the other day,dont know were he got that from but he was sobbing for hours after i told hi it was naught he was devastated and did not know what it meant

he's only young and I don't think you should police everything you say in case he misunderstands it - it's intent and not content thats important at this stage surely.

Yes. You're all right. What I need to work on with him (again!) is reading other people's reactions. This friend is a very, very sensitive little soul and DS1 seems in the rudest - literally - of spirits when they're together.

It's just so embarrassing, too. This reminds me of a time in his preschool when a teacher took me to one side and said, "I tried to tell him off and he said How dare you, which is an unusual thing for a 3 y/o to say. Where would he have heard that?" and I was all, "Ah."

Thanks so much again, all of you. I never know how much to worry until I run it past you lot first!

well if his friend was that worried about hi he would not still be his friend kids aint polite so he b upset,but he obviously likes your son or they would not play like they do,
dont stress hes only little it be diferent if he was 12.
kids dont know my ds would be the same, he once said to the nursery manager afterhe was on time out , i dont care i'm boris yeltzen a russian spy wtf ha my dad used to tell him that the manager said she tried best nt to laf