Constant bad behaviour

[Lei1812]

My ds is 4.5 (only child) and is constantly doing things he knows he shouldn't be doing;
We live in a small flat and he has the biggest bedroom with all of his toys and plenty of room to play. We have to tell him 20+ times a day not to bring his toys in the living room as there's just not enough space.
We also have to tell him multiple times per day not to shout or talk so loud/use indoor voices. He is told not to scream throughout the day. He is told not to smash his toys together as we have found multiple broken toys in his room because he plays too rough.
We tell him not to jump on the sofa as its old and could break, we tell him several times to get dressed in the morning and PJs at night. To the point where we now only ask him to get dressed if we are leaving the house that day as it's then one less battle.
We no longer take him out to eat, we try to go shopping when he is with someone else as much as possible, we are struggling to take him for days out anywhere as he is uncontrollable.
We have tried the kind, stern, consequence route many times, we have also tried going straight to consequence, we have tried to sit him down to explain why we do/don't do these things. We have tried to take him outside to burn off some energy, but nothing seems to work.
He was told off many times for hitting children at preschool and generally misbehaving/disrupting others.
We are repeating ourselves multiple times throughout the day for the same things and it's been going on for more than a year. We don't change expectations, we don't have different rules for different days/circumstances, but this cycle is our daily and it's unbearable. We are trying home education as he is so disruptive that it's unfair for other children. We had to pull him out of a sports club because he was spoiling it for the other kids by being so loud and unruly.

I know this is a big ask, but has anyone experienced anything like this and have tips of what to do? At our wits end..

Just a message to say that I am in the same boat currently - nothing seems to be working!

tbh a lot of what you’ve said sounds like normal 4.5 year old behaviour. Of course you’re going to have to keep repeating things to him he’s 4! Is that not what most parents do? Your example of not bringing toys into the living room for example, I think it’s pretty standard for them to want to play close to you, if he’s only allowed toys in his bedroom is he expected to play in there by himself for most of the day? I would think that’s pretty unreasonable. The shouting and talking loudly, yes he should be reminded to use his indoor voice but I would say it’s pretty standard for his to very over excited and shout, especially if he’s angry, they can’t manage their emotions in the same way we can. Reminding him not to jump on the sofa, ok fine, but I still wouldn’t find it particularly unusual for kids to do this, they’re bundles of energy and need to more. The hitting and disruptive behaviour at school needs dealing with again at 4 he’s still learning social skills and attention span will still be pretty short.

it sounds like your doing a lot of telling him off (not a criticism btw, I also find myself getting into this rut with my 4 year old) for what is essentially normal 4 year old behaviour. Start a reward scheme, sticker chart or something and praise good behaviour.