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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Can't cope with her anymore

73 replies

nutcracker · 20/01/2005 16:24

Dd2 (5) has just had the most almighty tantrum and i just cannot deal with her anymore.

I had to go into the shop after school and as they rarely have sweets i told them they could pick something. Dd1 picked hers and Dd2 asked for chewing gum. I said no. She kept on and on asking for chewing gum, and on and on and on. Eventually i said she had to pick something else now as i was going to the till. She didn't, so i went to the till and paid.
Then i went back to DD2 to see if she had finally made a desicion and she was still asking for chewing gum. I explained again why she couldn't have it and told her she could have something esle but she had to pick now cos i was waiting to go and it was starting to rain.
I warned her 3 times that if she didn't hurry up she would have nothing. Still she insisted on chewing gum and so i took her kicking and screaming out of the shop.

She then launched into the biggest tantrum she has ever had, which included kicking me, biting me, pinching me, punching me and trying to tip the pushchair up (with ds in).
I had to push the buggy and try and pull her along, she kept sitting on the floor, kicking my ankles and pinching my hands so i would let go.
I couldn't let go until we had crossed a busy road and then as soon as i did she ran off and i had to leave dd1 with the buggy to run after her.

Once we were nearly home i let her go again as i couldn't steer the bugy and so she sat on the floor and threw her coat in the road.

We eventually got home with her screaming, me almost shaking and on the verge of tears. I've got scrathces all over my hands and my ankles hurt like hell.
Dd2 is now in her pj's in her room.

She has always been hard to handle, even as a baby but because she has always been good at nursery and now at school, no one wants to know. I had her ears tested just incase she wasn't hearing me properly but her hearing is fine and so now the h.v doesn't want to know either.

I cannot control her when she is like this, it is even dangerous as she nearl;y had us all in the road at onme point and she really wanted to hurt me i could see that.

She can be the most lovely and sweetest little girl but when goes into one thats it.

I just don't know what to do with her anymore

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Jimjams · 20/01/2005 21:02

nutty just read your other thread about the hand washing etc. When reading this earlier II thought it reminded me a little of ds1 (autistic with strong OOCD tendancies) in that he'll get completely fixated by something and if kept away from it will scream etc and scream and scream (the scooter thing sounded like this). So for example yesterday bringing him in from school soime part of his elaborate getting in the house routine was messed up and he was screaming and hammering on the door. In the end I said he could go outside for a countdown (we stand in the street and I countdown from 10) - turned out he wanted to look at the neighbours front door- once he'd done that he was fine. he would have screamed until bedtime if we hadn't done that though.

All I can suggest is trying things like the countdown- "you can do x for 10 seconds then finished". it usually works for us alkthough he may want to go through the routine again 5 minutes later.

Jimjams · 20/01/2005 21:03

what sounds similar is the fixation and the inability to be diistracted- not saying your dd has OCD or anything- but just that countdowns may work in managing fixations.

Original poster

nutcracker · 20/01/2005 22:15

Thanks everyone. Can't believe just how upset and drained today has made me. I just feel/felt so totally out of control and helpless.

The counting down sounds good Jimjams, will see if i can implement that.
The thing you mention with the scooter, well that is typical behaviour of hers if she wants something. Whatever i say to her, whatever explanation i give she will just blank what i said and say the word over and over again. This moring it was scooter, the other morning it was tissue. It's almost like she is a robot and she is stuck on replay.

Makealist - I would love to do a parenting course but no where near here does one. I emailed parentline a while back and asked them but they have no classes in my area either. I asked my H.v about them too but she made excuses from what i can remember.

Bensmum - Yeah she is the middle child, has an elder sister and younger brother.

Puddle - unfortunatly she can escape a wrist strap and if i use reins she just picks her feet up so i'm having to lift her up.

OP posts:

sparklymieow · 20/01/2005 22:21

Nutcracker, I have had a teerible day today too, Ds and Dd1 have been bouncing off each other all day, and while I was looking for a part to the buggyboard that another mnetter wants from me, they threw water all over the living room and blew my telly!!! I was about to phone my mum and say "come and take one I can't cope" when DH came back from the shops.
I have restarted the fish oils and hope they calm down soon.

sparklymieow · 20/01/2005 22:27

I have looked at that site too, DD2 and DS can hold their frustrations in at school too and then blow as soon as they come home.

Original poster

nutcracker · 20/01/2005 22:28

Woulod fish oils help do you think ???

I looked into it before but wasn't sure if she'd benefit.

OP posts:

misdee · 20/01/2005 22:30

fish oils have helped my dd2. she is calmer and concentrates more.

sparklymieow · 20/01/2005 22:32

it worked before but I stopped {bang head} I have decided to take all sugary things out of their diet too, as I am sure they are reacting to them

Original poster

nutcracker · 20/01/2005 22:34

Right ok, what exactly is it i have to buy and where from ??? Do Boots do them ??

OP posts:

misdee · 20/01/2005 22:35

boots do their own brand but not sure on age for those. i use eye-q for dd2.

Original poster

nutcracker · 20/01/2005 22:36

eye-Q right, thanks for that, it's got to be worth a go.

OP posts:

sparklymieow · 20/01/2005 22:36

Is your dd 4 or 5? Boots do one for 5 plus and Haliborange do one for 3+ and you can buy that in more stores.

sparklymieow · 20/01/2005 22:41

Boots normally do their own brand on 3 for the price of 2, about 10 pounds for 3 bottles, and the other one is about 4 pound a bottle

misdee · 20/01/2005 22:42

eye q is expensive. ad you have to start on high dose then drop down. but it does work.

amynnixmum · 20/01/2005 22:59

Hi Nutcracker,
First of all {{{hugs}}}
You have almost the opposite problem to us. My DS is much better at home than he is at school. That isn't to say that he is easy at home - just that we can manage whereas school can't. We give ds Efflalex (sp) which is similar to eyeQ. We found that within about 48 hours of taking it (have to take high dosage to start with like eyeQ) there was a noticable reduction in both the frequency of his tantrums and also the duration and ferocity. Also took him to homeopath who found him to be sensitive to all refined sugars, artificial colouring and some preservatives. We noticed another improvement in his behaviour at home when we cut these out of his diet. Be aware though that the only cereal that we could find with no added suar is shredded wheat - all others have sugar added. Also very few yoghurts were suitable and the only one we can rely on is Muller light. The vitamins are very expensive but Boots often do a 3 for 2 offer which is when we buy ours. Also, for us the result was very small but I still feel that it is definately worth the money. Everything that we can do, however small, that helps DS manage his own behaviour and anger is worth every penny.

Original poster

nutcracker · 21/01/2005 09:58

She is 5 SparklyM. So it doesn't matter which brand i buy as long as it is suitable for her age then ??

Can't really afford the eye q , but the boots one i could.

OP posts:

onlyjoking9329 · 21/01/2005 10:16

have a look on zipvit, omega fish oil capsules are 10 quid for 360, the capsules are quite big but my DS with ASD has taken these for a while, some kids dont do well on eye-q, think i have read that it has primrose oil in it, which seems to be bad for some kids.

Original poster

nutcracker · 21/01/2005 10:34

Are some better than others then ??

Have found quite a few different brands Eskimo was another i think.

OP posts:

pabla · 21/01/2005 13:43

Just another thought Nutcracker - someone I know has a dd who is 10 or 11 and still has tantrums (hopefully your dd will improve before that age!). This girl is very gifted musically and they have resigned themselves to assuming the tantrums are linked to her artistic temperment. Perhaps your dd will turn out to be talented also....

Beccles · 22/01/2005 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Beccles · 22/01/2005 11:40

This reply has been deleted

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Jimjams · 22/01/2005 12:55

fish oils is a great idea. Ds1 off fish oils is a loon!

Blossomhill · 22/01/2005 12:57

Have to say be a bit careful as my dd went off of the rails on eyeq. The majority of children that take it do have major imrovements though. Just thought I'd warn you though as I was so shocked st how bad dd was.
Please, please don't let this put this off trying it though nutty

Jimjams · 22/01/2005 13:01

eyeQ has more children going off the rails than the other brands- it's to do with the omega 3mega6 ratio they use. Efalex may be a safer one to start with.

Yurtgirl · 22/01/2005 13:52

Message withdrawn

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