My four year old son is more like a hormonal teenage

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He seems to get cross very easily. One minute he is absolutely fine and the next he is slamming doors and shouting at me. I have no idea what to do. Sometimes he is lovely, wanting hugs, playing with his little sister (18 months) and being affectionate and then the slightest little thing happens and he seems to lose it. I have read about the testosterone surge in four year old boys. His behaviour changed about six months agao and he turned four two months ago so it does tie in. I know school may have made a difference too. But if anyone has any advice please pass it on.

Take a deep breath - it "does" get better - has he gone to primary school yet? As that was a huge turning point with ds1, it was like a switch flicked - so much so I can not wait for ds2 (also 4 2 months ago!) as I am having EXACTLY this behaviour from him - although I am also having him moaning at everything also which is just as hard!!

There is a testosterone surge around this age.

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I could cry with relief just reading that! Thank you. He does afternoons at the pre-school at our primary but he will go full time in September. DS does moan a lot too! Nothing is ever quite right. He actually got cross because his cereal was not on the table when he came in the kitchen the other day and the following day he got cross because it was on the table. I can't win!

I honestly think this testosterone surge thing is rubbish. If they really had a testosterone surge their voices would get deeper and they'd get hair. I've never seen any scientific evidence that it exists. Four year olds can be tricky, boy or girl!

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I am quite strict and I don't know if that makes a difference.

Says here levels peak at two, then fall right away until puberty.
cat.inist.fr/?aModele=afficheN&cpsidt=14879902

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More on hormones here - again levels very low through childhood:64.233.169.104/search?q=cache:oP7mwKWS6vQJ:www.awarefoundation.org/parents/articles/adolescent_dev.a spx+testosterone+boys+childhood&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=29&gl=uk

I've always had grave suspicions about that Biddulph bloke myself!

Testosterone or not I just want to know it will go away!

Is it just a male thing? My dd (4 going on 14) is very, very stroppy atm. Dh and I just look at each and wonder what she'll be like when she is a teenager; we are older parents so we'll probably be in a home by then!

I'm trying not to think about the actual teenage years. I was awful when I hit 14 so it will probably be payback time.

Lots of boys and girls calm down quite a bit around 7/8. Four year old girls can be very diva-ish and fierce!

Actually little girls of six can be very grown up. Can't say the same for boys in my experience

I'm dreading the teenager bit. Dd has us all worked out now. Lordy knows what will happen; stronger medication I presume (for the parents).

Well I don't know the reason behind it but my DD1 who has just turned four is a complete 'kevin the teenager' at times then back to her normal sweet self at the touch of a button. Something odd definitely going on . She has never really had tantrums and has always been chatty and eloquent and now we just get 100% whinging and grunts!

Sounds like DS too. I was so pleased that he didn't really have any terrible two moments but this is far worse! He has a really grumpy face sometimes and just looks so angry. I don't know if getting cross with him helps either, it seems to make things worse. We do try bringing him out of it with tickling or making him laugh and it works sometimes but I don't know if that's the right thing to do.

Good grief ds has always been like this. It started at about 2 years old and he uis still like this at 3.5 years old. Moody should be his second name. tbh I just thought it was his personality mixed in with being a young child.

I'm always a bit surpriesed when people say their children have just started being like this. I suppose I just assumed it was normal and don't really try and 'do anything' about it. I just assume he will eventually learn that this isn't the way to behave as it doesn't get him anywhaere.

I don't get scared of him having this sort of reaction though and don't modify my behaviour to avoid it. I just try and ride it out and accept that it makes 'no sense' most of the time.

I have also been concerned about my 4yr old son for about 6 months now. He is aggressive with boys his own age and won't share when his 'friends' come to play, often coming to blows and crying histerically. Yet he is beautifully behaved when he's with the family. He has 2 younger sisters. Even if it is considered 'normal' it's embarrassing and I don't know how to deal with the situation either.

I could have written BigBadMouse's post...

My 3 year old girl is an absolute nightmare, if the middle child syndrome exists, she has it - she has an answer for everything and will take me on, all the time, getting ready, getting in car, getting shoes on etc. it feels like I am talking to a teenager, my older and younger kids are boys, and much easier to manage (at the minute), its good to hear it happens to other people, I sometimes feel like I have done something wrong

As I write, ds of 4yrs 3months is screaming from bedroom because I gave up reading halfway through the first story this evening. I am an older parent (also have a ds of 14 years!) but, seriously, how many times do I have to put up with books being slammed on my hands, rudeness and general horrible behaviour at what should be - and has sometimes been - a lovely relaxing evening routine? Should I go up, placate him, stop him being upset - or is this just telling him it's ok to scream and behave like a little sod because he gets his way in the end? Dh thinks I'm being a cruel cow. I don't know any more.