Untidyness

[kernowcat]

Anybody got any ideas how to get my 8 yr old (going on 15!) DS to tidy her room and keep it tidier. I cannot see the carpet and the damp towel is starting to smell!!
Her brother is very tidy and always kept the bedroom tidy when thay shared even though I tried to get them both involved. She has not been allowed out to play all week and no friends back here either until she make an effort. Help it is getting beyond a joke and causing friction within the house.

I don't know but will watch the thread with interest.
My dd is exactly the same. Occassionally, when it is so bad, can't walk the floor, I threaten to fill a bin bag with stuff and bin it. She usually will then clear a path.

hahaha - if you find out the answer please let me know so that i can try out the tips on dh (36)

Have tried the bin bag threat and have actually put stuff in the loft but she can create chaos from nothing!
Sounds like a common problem amongst girls, what is going on?

ds is like this in my experience nothing works at least not for long untidiness is inbuilt I think They won't be there forever and then you will miss the mess I'm sure

To be honest if she tidyied up once aweek and ran the hoover round I'd be happy to let her live in the mess for the rest of the week but the rest of the household are less flexible! Hence the friction!

pay her?ashamed to say I have done this on occasion

I've done the we all live here together if we all pull together we'll have more time for fun!
I've tried the you can choose a magazine when if you manage to hang your clothes up for a week instead of hiding them in a bundle! Her brother's ended up with a magazine and she's gone without, doesn't seem to bother her!
Once after we had tidied her room she actually said my room feels different and I can dance now without hurting my feet! Next day guess what?.......... the carpet disappeared again!! I think its a losing battle and but I need to find a compromise there is a differnece between being untidy and being unhygienic ( damp towels etc).

kernowcat, how about agreeing to spend a few hours re0-arranging her room, have a good clearout and then it's SO much easier as a starting point for keeping it tidy.
I did this yesterday with dd (aged 3.11) and her room is the tidiest in the house now

My partner was close to cracking last night so while he was out with my son, DD and I got to work it looked great and when they got back she was so excited about showing them but he just refused to look saying he knows he should encourage her but it had gone on to long and he was still annoyed about! I felt like going up and messing the room up myself!

That is such a shame - can you talk to him again and get him to praise her - better late than never. After all, it clearly means more to him than anyone and basically you and your dd have done this for him - does he realise that? He does sound really irascible though - do you think he's being unreasonable?

Once took the wheelie bin upstairs and started to gather up all DD stuff, very swiftly she sprang into tidying up!! One other time I actually threw her clothes out of the bedroom window onto the garden, which at the time had ewes and lambs in it

My 8 yr old is OK now - he gets pocket money (only £1 - we're so tight!) on a Saturday if his room is tidy. So it's bribery, but it works! Someone else suggested making them pay you if you have to tidy it for them, but I haven't gone that far yet!!
My 5 yr old is more of a problem - he just has a tantrum if asked to tidy up and will not respond to bribery!!

He's quite patient really (more than me most of the time!) But I do feel he was unreasonable about this but its an ongoing problem and he thinks that I let her get away with it for to long, but how do you force someone to do something if they can't see the point?
( He has two sons the same age as my chils who stay every other weekend and school hols). If i mention that maybe he should praise her it will only start a lecture on me being 'soft'and as we have his boys coming to stay this weekend I don't really need to start the weekend with even more stress!!!!

The rows l used to have with my mum over having a messy room. Today, l live in a very tidy and clean house. My dd is 4.6 years and likes her room tidy. All her things are in boxes i.e Barbie box, dressing up box, lego box etc., she likes it like this so she can find what she is looking for. Maybe if you hav'nt already, put some storage boxes in her room so she can quickly sort her stuff out. Maybe, you should just close the door and stay out and repect that this is her space mess and all. Agree with her that once a week/month you will both give it a tidy.

Not trying to get at your hubby but if she made an effort and got no praise then i can't see her bothering again!
Think he needs to make an effort too+++++

Ah! But you forget he's a man he's always right!!!!

Would buying her fun containers help? I saw in woolworths the other day a brilliant pop up bin, there were three different animal ones, good size, and when you lifted the lid they made the noise of the anmal, great fun and half price atm! Also what I do with my three who are all VERY untidy is really limit them to what they can have in their room, its amazing that they don`t ever notice what I have hidden away for a while!

What does she enjoy most? Can you bribe her with that? TBH, I was the same when I was little ( not that much different now, but am hygienic - just untidy!).

she must get loads of praise when she does what you want,bless her and if it falls back to the old routine whats her fav thing t,v,sterio,game station?find out what she likes best and take it away till the room is tidy.but as was said by another the more she gets praised the more she will do

We told our dd aged 8 1/2 yesterday to tidy up her room or we would tidy it for her into a bin bag.
I came back from an afternoon at my parents to find her room clear, and her 11 year old brother had done it for her, without being asked. Not like him at all, its a miracle!!

How about breaking the job into smaller tasks? I found with my two (4 and 6) that 'tidy your room' was too vague and huge a job.

Now, I just get them to 'rescue their clothes!', 'fill the bin!', 'give the action toys a home!'. No job takes more than a couple of minutes. They get praised for every bit. They make a race out of it and I have to time them with a stop watch but the rooms get tidy REALLY fast.

Must mention they're boys and younger than your DD so not sure how well this could work in your situation.

BTW, just like to add my vote for your DH giving some positive feedback or I don't see where your DD's motivation is supposed to come from. She already seems to be developing an immunity to the negative stuff.

My 8yo tidied and cleaned her room voluntarily yesterday! She actually rather likes tidying things and isn't bad at it. But tbh, I think 8 is quite young to be expected to keep a tidy room. I feel my heart sinking when I see a big mess so it must seem overwhelming to a little one. Breaking it down into smaller tasks is a very good idea. Also, getting a kitten has been an incentive to dd. The kitten steals her toys so she has to tidy them up to keep them safe, else we have beheaded Barbies, massacred girlie stuff and ripped-up books and papers!!

Also, how about introducing it as a routine every day, so that it never becomes an enormous task? Like homework and changing out of your school uniform, it's just another 5 minute thing that has to be done every day?

And I agree, your DH sounds like he's got a really bad attitude about this. I know it's frustrating, but he's the adult, she's the child, and his lack of acknowledgement for what she's done probably feels like a real slap in the face for her. I can't think of a reaction more calculated to make her turn into a Kevin the teenager overnight!

Agree with Caligula. I make sure the girls tidy their rooms every morning (including the 5 and 4yo) before they come down for breakfast - that way their rooms never become horrendously untidy and it only takes them 5mins or so each time to clear up. Once a month we have a big clearout - go through toy boxes and wardrobes clearing out any broken toys (or those daft things they get out of cereal packets!) and outgrown clothes and organise everything again. It really works.

Thanks everyone for not making me feel like a bad mum for not being too bothered about her untidiness! There are certain levels of tidiness we should all aspire to! Since last week, because I made a fuss after she had helped me she has actually been putting her 'Bratz' stuff away before bedtime! (she found so many little bits she realised she could of lost them if we hadn't tidied them up). As for DP he was raised by his mum a 'old school' teacher and they had a cleaner, her house is like a showhome and DP goes into complete tizz when shes going to visit! (I can feel quite intimidated by her!) So I know how difficult he finds it finds to be relaxed about it. Even though I still try to encourage him to realise sometimes you need to compromise and save the 'fight' for more inportant issues! eg good manners!!!
Thanks!