The 'Ta' word

[Onadowner]

Ds understands 'ta' because when he gives us something we say 'ta' or 'thanks' to him.

However, he has not grasped that when we give things to him, he should say 'ta'.

He's 17 mths so maybe I am expecting too much(?), but he says many other words, so it's not like he cannot talk.

What I don't want to do is withold something from him until he says 'ta' (a bit like a performing seal), so I was hoping that someone may have an idea of how to encourage him to say it in return for being given something.

Tx

My dd (18 months) says 'ta' word but, like your ds, when she's giving you something not when she receives something. She's just (yesterday) started saying 'pees' for please when she really wants something so I think it is just a case of waiting for it to fall into place in time.

If he can say lots of words at 17 months thats great, but please don't push saying thank you. IMO its far too young to get hung up on politeness.

Kids learn by example so the best thing you can do is let him hear you and your partner say it to each other. This works both ways though as dd1 has picked up a couple of very fruity words as well as the nice polite ones

I think this is very common - ta was one of DS's first words but it was when he wanted something (unfortunately since been replaced by "more". But he occasionally gets it right (at 22 months).

agree with what's been said. My dd is nearly 18 months, she always says "ta" when giving me something, but she will always ta when we give her something like a toy or biscuit etc, but we always say to her "what does Tamara say" to which she replies with ta. This has been going on for about 3 weeks but yesterday I noticed she said ta a couple of times without being prompted first. I guess it's just a guess of persevering and eventually they catch on. I wouldn't worry too much though at 17 months, and completely agree with Enid that he will learn best from your example.

Agree with Enid about continuing to set a good example, rather than insisting on "the magic word". I've always tried to be very conscious about setting a kind, considerate example in front of ds, and although it didn't seem to be kicking in at home, when he started nursery at 21/2, it was commented on by the staff how polite he was which made me feel very proud.
I think I must have read somewhere not to withold things until the "magic word" had been uttered, but I can't remember where or why.

I agree. Be polite to each other and alway say please, excuse me and thank you and they will copy you eventually. 17months is very, very young and I think it's a bit mean to withold things until a child says a word they don't really understand. I'm sure he shows his gratitude in many other ways, including big smiles, looks of delight and cuddles, and they are worth a lot more IMO

Hi Onadowner - My ds is now 25 mo and when he was your childs age I did introduce please and thankyou but I never actually held out till he said it. I just would repeat it a few times when giving or receiving something so eventually he would understand. He now says please and thankyou the majority of the time.

I think until they know exactly why their saying it then I wouldnt push it too much. Two is a good age to really enforce it.

Enid is right about letting them hear you say it as a way of teaching them. They always learn by example.

Hi Onadowner - My ds is now 25 mo and when he was your childs age I did introduce please and thankyou but I never actually held out till he said it. I just would repeat it a few times when giving or receiving something so eventually he would understand. He now says please and thankyou the majority of the time.

I think until they know exactly why their saying it then I wouldnt push it too much. Two is a good age to really enforce it.

Enid is right about letting them hear you say it as a way of teaching them. They always learn by example.

Thanks everyone.

I'm glad we are in agreement about witholding things until the say thanks. I think that's really mean!

He said 'Wow footprints' when he heard me say it when I took him out in the snow today, so if he won't say ta yet, at least he grasping other words.

I know from other subjects that my views are often seen as a bit tough & old fashioned but I am very strict with manners (no doubt as I worked in customer services for so many years!) & since he was about 16 months my DS (2 in March) has always said 'please' - he's not quite so clear about 'thank you' but usually gets it. He also has to say 'please may I get down' when he has finished his meal - found it quite amusing recently when a friend came to stay with her secondary school age children & they were just allowed to leap up from the table!

My (similarly aged) son is fastened in, so he has no choice Lindy.

Bozzza - oh yes, our's is fastened in too but we just don't unleash him until he's said those magic words!

Definitely back the "setting an example" as the best way forward. Ds1 will say "scuse me" or "pardon me" after burping loudly, probably because I always said it for him before he learnt to speak (he's 26mo). He says "please mummy" if he wants more of something, yet thank you remains largely unspoken. I make sure that I still fill it in for him at the appropriate moment, so I expect it will come at some point. He also manages "sorry mummy, or ds2" if he bashes us a bit too hard!! And gives us a kiss to seal it! Bless! Just wish he didnt do the bashing in the first place.