How to stop a 2y5mo shouting instead of sharing

[alittleconfused1]

I know it’s a normal part of development - learning to share - by my daughter gets SO angry if anyone goes near anything she is interested in.

Examples - will scream’STOP LADY NO IT’S NOT YOURS’ if someone is going to push a lift button she wants to push

She screams at other children in the playground ‘IT’S NOT YOURS IT’S MINE GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY NOOOOO LITTLE BOY ITS MINE’

This is always about things that aren’t actually hers, such as pressing a button, playing on a slide etc

i know she needs to know how to share, but the angry attack sort of worries me, and I would love some tips on how to encourage her to communicate more calmly. I always tell her about sharing, how not to shout, how it’s everyone’s thing etc etc but it happens again and again. It’s sort of everyone stop in the street and stare type of screaming 🤦🏼‍♀️ and so angry

will she just grow out of it?

thanks in advance!

Oh, that does sound difficult! If it makes you feel any better, if I saw the lift one (or was the lady in question), I'd have been more amused than anything negative. Even with other children, as long as she's 'only' screaming, not hitting/pushing/biting/etc., and you're clearly trying manage the situation, most parents will cut you and her a fair bit of slack – she's two, and sometimes two-year-olds are wildly unreasonable!

In terms of how to hopefully get through this phase a bit faster: you say you talk about sharing, but how about taking turns? Most play park scenarios are actually about taking turns. Would she cope with taking turns with you on the slide, or with a convenient cousin/family friend's child? If not, I'd start there, and preferably with something like a slide that's relatively quick turns. My turn, your turn, my turn, your turn. When you see other children taking turns, talk about it, or find examples in books, make her teddies take turns doing something at home. You can also make a teddy not take turns and talk (very simply) about how that teddy is feeling and how the other teddies feel when they can't play. It's easier to take it in when it's her teddies, not her, so the strength of emotion is taken out of it.

If (or once) you're confident she understands how the taking turns should work, then I'd go for simple consequences: if she can't take turns on the slide, then she needs to come and sit down with you until either she can take turns or no one else is using the slide. This will probably be very hard work and very loud at the beginning, and sometimes she may get so beside herself that the kindest thing for everyone is to take her home. Other times you might be able to help her reset with a snack or a little walk or something. 2.5 is old enough to get the simple cause and effect, though.

The flip side of that is massive praise for every tiny bit of sharing/turning taking she does manage, and even more so if she got upset, but managed to calm herself down and then do it.

Thank you that’s super helpful.

We talk about sharing a lot but not taking turns so that’s a great one to try. At the end of every day she proudly announces she did good sharing that day but invariably she hasn’t 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

She doesn’t have siblings and hasn’t quite mastered friends at preschool yet so the teddies is a great idea. Thanks again!