Helping to understand if DN requires Autism Assessment

[littlelady678]

Hi All,

New to mumsnet, so please be kind. I am looking for advice for my brother and sister in law.

I am a mum myself to a lovely little girl who is 2.5 years old, and my brother has a love DD aged 2.4 years. I always thought our girls would be very close, and they would play together but sadly that is not the case.

Myself and other family members have concerns that my niece may be Autistic, although this is through our observations. My brother and SIL do not think any of these signs i will list are potential warning signs for assessment and would rather wait and see. I am.just scared that waiting and seeing may result in a loss of early intervention, should niece have additional needs.

• child appears to be non-verbal or pre-verbal. At 2.4 years of age she doesn't not have any meaningful communication, she does not say "mama or Dada". She only seems to repeat nursery rhymes or things she has learned on YouTube. Mum thinks she is verbal and communicating properly because she can name animals and objects on flash cards.
• doesn't make eye contact
• tip toe walking, hand flapping and stimming
Constant pacing
• likes confide spaces and prefer to be alone
• fascination with objects and doesn't play with toys the way intended
• Cannot socialise with other children and prefers to play alone
• extremely challenging behaviour - we are always having to accommodate environments and walk on egg Shells so that she doesn't have melt downs
• other toddlers have expressed that they don't enjoy playing with her as she in "her own world"
• cannot sit still
• doesn't respond to her name or acknowledge anyone
• really bad sleep routine - constant waking and parents are on night watch as if she is a new born
• lays on the ground a lot and going under tables
• cannot communicate to say what she needs and limited gestures
• hates Loud noises and cannot focus

The caveat is that SIL says she only is like this around other people and is developing typically and behaves typically at home. They have admitted that they have not had any time alone as a couple since she was born, as she is too "difficult" to leave with other family members, even for an hour.

My fear is that they are going on their first holiday to Greece in October, and I am deeply concerned about her. We have raised this gently with my SIL and brother. Brother is very much broken and seems like he is overwhelmed but SIL blames him for his behaviour, as apparently she "acts up" when dad is around.

I want to help them but don't know how. Any mums who have a toddler with the same behaviours, can shed light on this I'd ve grateful!

You can’t interfere I’m afraid but you can take your DB out for a coffee or a drink and give him some moral support.

It does sound difficult but it does sound as though the DSIL isn’t willing to listen.

Do you know if DN has had her 2 year check?

Thank you for your message, and I have taken a step back. DN has not been for her w year old check up but mum is now arranging an appointment

If you don’t think it’s overstepping you could forward them, possibly just DB the forms for the assessment and say it will give them time to get them filled in before the appointment?

There is the 30 month Social & Emotional Ages & Stages. That’s the one that the HVs don’t usually send but is good a tool to see if extra support is needed.

The one the HVs usually send is the Ages & Stages. According to the 30 month Ages & Stages they are looking for them to be speaking 3 or 4 word sentences by 2.5 so things like “I want milk”.

It’s not a concern if they aren’t as the form is designed so that a large proportion of DC will score grey in one or two areas. Some DC may for example be concentrating on Gross Motor Skills whilst others concentrate on language.

If they complete both and take them to the assessment it will give the HV a clear picture of how their DD is.

If the HV wants to adopt the “wait and see” approach i would suggest to them that they at least ask for referrals to Portage, a hearing test and SaLT. Waiting times are long and the sooner they get referrals, the sooner she’ll get support

Thanks a million