What am I doing wrong (apart from pretty much everything)?

[IAteRosemaryConleyForBreakfast]

DS (10 month) crap sleeper, always a battle of rocking/feeding/patting/shushing, but much better than he was. Now despite intermittently teething, being windy, 'having a bad day', he usually goes down to bed for me no problems (wee routine, then feed, rock for a few moments, put down, pat for a moment, sit by the cot until he's off). We're slowly progressing towards self-settling, aiming to complete the process shortly before his 23rd birthday.

Last few nights he's been a horror for me, gets sleepy at the breast then starts bouncing around the cot chirruping as soon as he goes in. Develops full scale hysterics if I lift him and try to rock him again, burbles and wriggles and pulls himself up if I leave him in the cot, but back to screaming blue murder if I leave the room. Soon as I return he's back to burbling. DP is now having a go (I'm fecking sick of doing all of this myself several times every night as well as having the full time job and all the night wakings and still BFing etc etc but that's another story). I can still hear bellowing from upstairs.

What's the right thing to do? He's been Bonjelad but no Nurofen, mainly because he doesn't seem in the slightest bit painful as soon as he's left to it.

Is this time for Sleep Training? Or do I just sit there in the dark until he decides he's ready to go to sleep? Have the patience of a very impatient person, am absolutely shattered and I can't bear hearing him cry so much.

Don't know if it helps (probably not) but my DD is exactly the same except we're coming at it from sort of the opposite direction! She used to be more or less able to settle herself but since she has learned creeping round furniture and how to pull herself up she has become a complete fiend about going to sleep - every time I put her in her cot she pulls herself up and starts walking round the edges nd crying if she's left. I'm sticking with the same stuff which worked before and hoping she'll grow out of it by the time she's 5 or so.

At least DH gets a bit of sleep on the spare bed in her room while waiting for her to settle. Hope it helps to know you're not alone!

Might sound insane, but maybe don't try so hard. I was like you until I decided just to sit reading by my DS's cot. No matter how much he leaped, screeched or even bit(!) me, I didn't react. Took a couple of nights, but he was calmed by me being there, but in the end though tiny, started to get the idea that he'd get no reaction so there was no point in trying to get one. He soon went from over an hour of trauma, to lying down and holding my hand through the cot bars, and being asleep in less than five minutes. So get yourself a glass of something lovely, a good book, oh and ear plugs are a total must. Be gentle to him and you. Am sure it sounds improbable but it worked for me.

ps: my mother shame faced admitted to me that she used to tie me to the mattress so I couldn't stand up..

My 10 mo is the same too. I have been reading the No-cry sleep solution and have found that putting him in his cot and keeping a hand on him or stroking his head eventually settles him, he does struggle a bit sometimes though - we are down from 20 mins settling time to 10 mins tonight after 1 week so I am happier

Smee, Washersaurus: what were you doing beforehand? BFing to sleep? That's what we do but it's got to change before I go back to work in Aug, and I'm gearing up for ghastliness - so this thread is v. interesting.

I used to BF DS to sleep when he was very tiny, but soon realised that was a way to madness, as when he got a bit bigger he nearly always woke when I tried to put him down. I'd say start weaning off that one now if you're going back in August.

I recommend counting down from 100 to one in your head to get that calm, patient, waiting thing.

So I'd do 100 counts for each gradual bit... just helped me to keep relaxed and calm really.

(although have introdued some counting down out-loud into her bedtime routine and it works quite well - hypnotism technique i think )

I'm another one in favour of the sit by the cot, being there but ignoring them, routine. DS is a lot older(2.3) but he's always been a bad (appalling) sleeper. It still takes him half an hour to drop off, but it's closer to an hour if you interact with him. I use the time to learn to meditate!!! Probably doing it all wrong, but I breath in for 3, out for 5 and repeat in my head 'thoughts come, thoughts go...'. Otherwise I get madly stressed with the whole thing. Much sympathy from the perspective of the long term sleep deprived.

Oh you're all so much better than me. I did it with a large glass of wine...

Thanks to all

I'm quite attracted to the 'sit by the cot with earplugs and wine' approach but two things stop me - I worry about him seeing me sitting there but not responding to him being quite confusing, and also I work on call regularly so it's not impossible I'd have to drop everything and swap places with DP halfway through a sit-in protest, which is possibly going to be counterproductive

NCSS has been helpful (if only for reassurance) but the idea of sitting stroking his head while he drops of is a non-starter - he finds being still totally impossible hence the need for us to provide some sort of hypnotic input before he can fall asleep. I could stroke his head but he'd need to be tied to the mattress first .

DP was actually great last night, got out of bed and everything. He's always willing, so I shouldn't moan, but he sleeps through so much at night and when I try to mention that it was a bad night he just agrees with me! . Plus, it's assumed I'll do all the putting-to-bed for naps when I'm not working (DP is a SAHD) which is fine but isn't helping as far as breaking the feed-to-sleep palaver goes. OTOH, if DP's struggling and I hear loads of wailing I can't help but muscle in

It will pass, I guess, it will pass ....

dropps off

Honestly don't despair. My DS was horrendous like yours. Standing, screeching - no way would he let me stroke his head or stay still long enough for me to even try it. He bit me at least twice in his fury... The key thing that worked for me was realising that reacting in any way just kept him going for longer.
So honestly, I'd say just sit calm, hum or something. It won't be confusing for long if you're being nice and kind to him, but are just saying by your body language, this is how it is at this time of day. He'll quickly get the gist. The key has to be don't give him any reaction other than being there. Your presence is reassuring, and if you're calm not angry and sit humming or something to show him you're not mad, he'll start to like listening so stop yelling himself. If he then starts to get the idea that if he lies down he's rewarded by your stroking his head, or letting him cuddle your hand, then you're nearly there. I know it sounds absurdly unrealistic, but it's surely worth a try.

• I sympathise with the swapping thing. We had that due to work commitments too. If you both stick to the same rules, it'll still work. Did for us. good luck - I do so remember those days. It will pass - then he'll think of some other way to torture you...

I didn't mean to make our 'new' bedtime routine sound so easy (Bf to sleep was our original approach)

I actually have to place my hand on DS2's chest quite firmly to stop him wriggling to start with, and usually have to lay him back down a couple of times when he stands up in the cot.

Sometimes he relaxes more quickly if I hold his hands and his feet to stop them from wriggling (honestly not as brutal as it sounds). He then accepts me stroking his head as he starts to get drowsy.

What annoys me the most is that he will sit and play quite happily in his cot before going to sleep, as long as I sit next to the cot, but if I try to leave the room he will scream the house down.

You should respond to him if he gets distressed btw, it isn't about ignoring him. I think some babies just need help to get them through that wriggly bit and relax so they can go off to sleep.