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Behaviour/development

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Am I doing it wrong

2 replies

BecHick · 03/09/2025 15:04

Okay, so I have never posted on here before but I need some advice - I am at the end of my tether and I am hoping someone can give me some answers or even some ideas.

My son is 10 years old (soon to be 11) - He has just gone into year 6 at school and for the last 12 months we have had some issues with his emotions. He is a smart, mostly well behaved boy, all his school reports are good and his parents evenings go well. He gets distracted, is boisterous on the playground etc etc - what I would say is typical 'boy' behaviour but nothing that gets him into any real trouble.

However!
For the last 6 months he has started to refuse to go to school - having what I can only describe as a mini panic attack. Hyperventilating, shaking, screaming, tears. Its like a toddler tantrum but on steroids.
The first time he did this it really took me by total surprise and I didnt know what to do. I stayed home for the day with him and that just made it worse because its almost as though he used that to learn he could then do this again and be off school.

We have since tried every technique to get him to go to school, punishments like taking all his electronics away, bribery, we even got referred through the school for some CAHMs counselling and although the sessions he had at school were great - after 6 weeks they discharged him - like everything is fixed.
IT ISNT.

Today he refused to go again - screaming and saying there is something wrong with him.

He has also started saying he wants to hurt himself which is concerning of course but I find it so frustrating because - and this is where my lack of knowledge and understanding of mental health really comes into play here because - He has a good life and I try so hard to make it so. He doesn't want for much, he is well looked after and has freedom I never had at his age.

I just don't know how to get him to go to school!
It is starting to affect my job, my mental health and our relationship. Please help.

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 03/09/2025 21:34

I had a school refuser and its so hard isn’t it. What assistance have school offered so far? Are they able to tell you what might he triggering his panic? Have they done anything like ask their SENCO to assess him or worked on Zones of Regulation?

Self harm dont something I’ve had to deal with but I have seen this book recommended more than once.

Is the GP able to give you details of any local charities that might help? Ours put us in touch with a charity that did local counselling sessions for young people.

BecHick · 04/09/2025 10:00

BunnyRuddington · 03/09/2025 21:34

I had a school refuser and its so hard isn’t it. What assistance have school offered so far? Are they able to tell you what might he triggering his panic? Have they done anything like ask their SENCO to assess him or worked on Zones of Regulation?

Self harm dont something I’ve had to deal with but I have seen this book recommended more than once.

Is the GP able to give you details of any local charities that might help? Ours put us in touch with a charity that did local counselling sessions for young people.

They let him go in the front entrance and sit with one of the ELSA teachers for a while before going into class but other than that support they have offered little in the way of a long term plan.
No one can offer any ideas on what is triggering it - he doesn't even know himself.
The CAHMs lady said she thought it is a self esteem issue and thats what she focused their sessions on but I am unsure what to do about that either if that even is the case.

The GP basically told me that he is too young for them to be able to help. Which seems crazy to me!

OP posts:
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