Nursery feedback - autism? Or something else?

[Maryhadalittlelamb2025]

I’m struggling a bit with constant ‘concerned’ feedback from nursery and would like some views. DS is 19 months and at nursery 2.5 days a week - he’s been going from 11 months.

I’ve booked an assessment with a SALT, but at a bit of a loss as to how I can help / what could be going on.

The concerns:
’zones out’ and sometimes will zone out and not look at someone speaking to him (never does this at home).
Doesn't initiate a conversation and will only copy words. At home he doesn’t have loads of words, but he does speak and sing. ‘Hello, bye bye, Daddy, ddog’s name, bird, all done etc.’
Hand leads - he does do this at home, but it’s tailing off as speech improves.
Likes to drag chairs around.
Gets distracted easily in circle time / doesn’t always follow his peers to sit down.
Will watch his peers play with interest, but doesn’t always join in.

Positives:
Lots of eye contact at home
Points, claps, waves
Great gross and fine motor skills. Can use cutlery well. Careful and accomplished climber! Can run.
Helps dress and undress himself.
Mostly follows simple directions.
Sleeps pretty well.
Loves games like peekaboo.
Uses objects as a ‘phone’ to speak into.
Drinks pretend drinks and feeds them to teddies.
Tantrums are brief and soon forgotten.

I think nursery are quite OTT with their feedback. But I’m feeling so anxious about it all at the moment. I know no one can diagnose him, but any thoughts would be welcome. Nursery never come out and say anything about autism, but my feeling is they’re suggesting there’s an issue.

It could be that the busy, very structured setting is just wrong for him.

An experienced nursery worker can have an excellent sense of when there's something more going on with a child. That said, some of nursery's concerns do not seem age appropriate – all expected to sit for circle time in the under 2s? Our nursery do do circle games and songs in that age group, but they are entirely optional. If a child prefers to do something else, that's complete fine.

Similarly, sometimes happily watching rather than immediately joining in. Why is that a problem if it is only sometimes? Some people are observers.

How much time is he spending dragging chairs about? I'd class a bit as perfectly standard 'moving big things' toddler play. Long periods every day, I can see where they're coming from.

Speech could go either way. There can be a strong element of personality, he might feel a bit shy, especially if there's a fair bit of staff turnover or it's in a wee group. How does he use his words at home? Would he use 'Daddy!' to get Daddy's attention? Bird to draw your attention to a bird outside?