Should I be concerned?

[BookMama23]

My son is 20m old. Recently we've been having a lot of problems with extreme tantrums about everything. Getting dressed/undressed, nappy changes, baths (he hasn't NOT kicked off about a bath for 6 months), bedtime, being told no, putting his coat/shoes on, getting in the pram. Everything is a battle. I'm thinking this is down to his limited language skills, he doesn't say much. He understands everything and can follow complex instructions, but his vocabulary is limited. He says 'mama', 'dada', 'ta', some animal noises (neigh neigh, baa baa, hissing like a snake, woof woof etc), Chase (as in The Chase tv show😂), cheers 🍻, makes car noises and will sometimes say 'bear' for his teddies. But he used to say more. His first word was 'cake', but he doesn't say it anymore, he used to name his cousins (let's call them Sarah and Daniel), and say words like 'car', 'cat' and 'quack quack', but now he doesn't, and he wont repeat words after us unless its his usual 'mama, dada' etc.

Should I be worried about this or will he start talking again? Is he just choosing not to speak? Are his tantrums down to limited speech or something else? I don't know how much is 'normal' for him to say or if its normal that he's stopped saying things he's used to. The HV gave no reassurance and just asked if he's in nursery, which he isn't. How can I encourage him to speak more? Thank you for reading x

Sounds like my 19 month old. If you tell him no or take him away from something he wants to do he will have a full on tantrum. Getting him in the pram or car seat is a nightmare! He is in to everything, climbing, running around, he is hard work! He is also not saying much, just a few words and not consistently.

It can be tricky because a genuine loss of skills is a concern and something to raise with the GP or HV – but many babies and toddlers do something for a bit, then focus on a different skill, and temporarily stop doing the first one. But how do we know if they've lost the skill or just are focusing on something else now?

Would you say his total number of words is going up, staying the same, or going backwards? Can he use his words to get something he wants (your attention, the TV show, etc.) or to draw your attention to something he finds interesting (a car, a dog, etc.)?

For the tantrums, do you do 'toddler's choice'? Basically you give closed choices that both get the job done, 'red shirt or blue shirt?', 'coat first or shoes first?'. It gives them some agency over what's happening and for some toddlers it makes all the difference. (I once gave a choice of putting shirt on standing up or sitting down – utterly daft, but it worked.)

@skkyelark He's stopped saying some words he used to say as I said in the original post, but the ones he does still use have stayed the same for a while, I'd say 2-3 months-ish. He uses 'Chase' only when the tv show is on the tv, he smiles and points at it and says 'Chase', he does broom broom noises when he plays with his cars and says 'woof woof' whenever he sees a dog. He only really uses words when prompted by a visual, such as a book, picture, real dog on the street etc, he uses either 'mama' (for me), 'dada' for his daddy or just a shout/noise and pointing to get our attention or ask for what he wants (Unless its a banana, in which case he says 'nana'). I've no idea how I'm supposed to know if its temporary as you've said, I just keep waiting for him to say something new. (He has just recently started to say 'my dada' as well).

I've tried the choices and still do them with everything but they don't work, for example I'll give him a choice of which nappy he wants (which animal picture on the nappy) and he chooses, but still kicks off when I go to put it on him. It's driving me mad!🤦🏼‍♀️😂

@Sh291 This makes me feel a little better, thank you. The only other child his age we know is his best friend and she'sa brilliant talker, but she's 3 months older than him so it's hard to know how much difference between them is normal, so although I do compare them I know I shouldn't because it is a big difference development wise