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3 year old playing up

7 replies

Sammywoko95 · 25/08/2025 14:51

Anyone experienced this that can help

So my nearly 4 year old is a very loving boy doesnt really have tantrums very much and is very active from the moment he wakes up but my problem is taking him anywhere we've found if we go for walks and to the park and its quiet hes really good but if its busy he turns into a different child runs off doesnt listen to you we went to the fire station for an open day he was fine at first then it got busy and lost interest of everything and running everywhere even with a busy road next to it we've been swimming and it was quiet and he was fine no meltdowns was happy then went to a more busy one and he hated it just constant playing up he started nursery in April and they are struggling with him as hes not listening doesnt want to sit at carpet time just wants to run around im struggling with how to deal with this as he really doesnt understand is this normal behaviour or should I maybe seek advice as im at my wits end

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BunnyRuddington · 25/08/2025 18:30

I’m sorry that you and Nursery are both struggling. What have the Nursery suggested and tried so far?

If you’re out and it’s busy, have you tried him with ear defenders, a baseball cap and some sunglasses to cut fine a bit on the stimuli getting through to him? And if it’s dangerous where you are and he doesn’t have any road sense, it’s absolutely fine to use reins.

Sammywoko95 · 25/08/2025 19:57

Hi thanks for writing back we normally do use reins but since starting nursery we have been trying without and getting him to hold hands as he needs to learn the nursery got me to get my health visitor involved and she came and assessed him and all was fine but shes been in touch with the school and they've agreed if he's still acting the same by the end of September we have to talk about next steps im not really sure what will come its really hard to support school as when hes at home he rarely plays up the stuff he does at school he doesnt do at home so its really hard I guess we will just have to see what happens next week when he goes back

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BunnyRuddington · 25/08/2025 21:20

It’s a bit odd that the HV says that “all is fine” but has been in touch with the school and “we have to talk about next steps”.

Either she thinks your DS is fine or she’s adopting the “wait and see” approach with your DS instead of doing any referrals or offering proper support.

I would do this very simple progress checker. Let us know if it says he needs some support.

Sammywoko95 · 01/09/2025 10:59

I suppose the health visitor is just trying to support the school shes been really good with us im seeing a pattern whenever we take him to a busy environment he just becomes a nightmare runs off not interested in anything thats going on around him and im assuming this is why he plays up at nursery but im unsure how we can help with it as no matter how hard we try nothing works we just end up leaving places we will see how he gets on tomorrow when he goes back

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BunnyRuddington · 01/09/2025 12:51

How did he do on the progress checker I linked to in my last post @Sammywoko95?

skkyelark · 01/09/2025 13:35

The real positive here is that you know what the trigger is – busy environments. The challenge now is to figure out what about busy environments and how to help him handle them better.

How is his language? At a point when everyone is calm, not hungry/tired/thirsty/etc., could you have a gentle conversation about nursery or about a very recent trip out where it became a problem? You want this to be very open, supportive, e.g., how did you feel when we went swimming and there were lots of other people there? A bit of 'I wonder' questioning might also help 'I wonder if it felt a bit too loud?' or 'I wonder if there were too many people close to you?' If he can do that sort of conversation, that could help you pinpoint what it is about busy environments that he finds challenging.

I agree with trying hat or hood, sunglasses, and/or ear defenders as @BunnyRuddington suggested.

Another thing to consider is breaks, particularly for something like nursery or a day out. A well set up nursery should have some quiet spaces, often a wee den or tent or similar. Can nursery encourage him to use these spaces periodically throughout the day to get a bit of space, or just notice when he's been in the thick of it for bit and suggest he play in a quieter area ('ooh, only Noah is over in the construction area just now, perhaps you'd like to go build as well? type thing).

I complete get it on trying to move away from reins, but I think I'd have a pair in my bag as backup, just in case it's also going wrong and you just need to keep him safe.

Sammywoko95 · 04/09/2025 10:51

It did say he needed extra support we are day 3 back into nursery and hes back to how he was before the holiday getting put into time out for running around the classroom not listening to the teachers doesnt want to sit and do carpet time its so hard because when hes like this its like he completely shuts his ears off and ignores every ounce of you hes had his hearing checked at the hospital and they were absolutely fine I have no idea where to go from here

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