Hello, am a newbie, please be gentle...
DS1 is 2.3 and has always been a challenging, albeit delightful, child - v full on, bright as a button, heck of a temper (can't think where he got that... )
He started with the "Terrible Twos" at around 18 months or so, just tantrums and asserting himself generally, but around the same time or a bit later, he started pushing other children (often quite hard/over) at playgroups, in parks etc if they came near the toy or apparatus that he was playing with - or sometimes for no apparent reason.
We have generally dealt with it by saying firmly "No pushing" (or whatever) and removing him from the scene, but otherwise trying to ignore it as I felt he was too young for time out etc. It did seem to be getting a bit better until DS2 (now 3 months) was born, since when it has returned with a vengeance. We have tried v hard to mitigate the effect of DS2's arrival in terms of the amount of attention DS1 gets, and DS2 is an incredibly easy baby (yay!), so he doesn't demand a lot of attention, meaning DS1 still gets plenty (to the extent that I fret that DS2 gets a bit short-changed...)
It's now getting really bad, and I dread going to playgroups, the park etc as I am just waiting for it to start. Our tactic of ignoring or just taking him away is doing nothing to lessen it, and I feel that in these situations where other parents are present, you have to be seen to be doing something (eg time out) rather than just ignoring - what do you think? I just feel from experience when we have experimented with time outs that he will just spend the whole morning in time out after time out, getting crosser and more frustrated, and therefore more likely than ever to push another child once "released". Threatening to take him straight home if he pushes again don't work either - he likes being at home, which is nice but does mean that one potential sanction is cut off to us.
And the thing is, he goes to nursery 2 mornings a week, and never does it there - does this mean he knows it is wrong, or just that the nursery staff have far more control over him than me or DH seem to manage?
I will admit to having a particular bee in my bonnet about this. I was badly bullied at school, and I tend to see this behaviour in DS1 as bullying and thuggish. Logically, I know it's not, but I really would like him to stop it, it's turning me grey and making me feel angry with him too much of the time. But at the same time, I don't want to feel too punitive, like I am always on at him and making him sit in a corner - he really is an absolute sweetheart when he's on form. Sorry if that sounds a bit wet...
Any ideas, other than "It's a phase, it will pass"?