Toddler biting other children - how to stop it?

[Bunny44]

Hello, I'm a single mum to an almost 2 year old but we live with my parents. We're really close happy family and my son is a very sociable happy boy, however since he was quite young he's always scratched and bitten from time to time. I managed to stop him from doing it to me. If he scratched me or bit me I put him down and said no you mustn't do that and not he knows not to and never does to me and rarely to adults unless they get really in his face.

But he still bites or scratches other children. I watch him like a hawk when he's with other children at home and look out for warning signs and intervene. Sometimes he's gotten over-excited, sometimes they're arguing over a toy, but sometimes it's just out the blue. I tend to be able to stop him but sometimes I'm not there, for instance my parents are looking after him and he's done it to his cousins and once to my friend's child, and the nursery keep saying he's doing it there - mainly with the younger children. My parents always tell him off a lot and I've tried talking to him about it now he understands more and he seems to know it's wrong now but still happens. It's really upsetting and I feel awful for the child and their parents and really bad about it and worried he's going to get thrown out of nursery. Both me and the nursery workers are trying to work out why he's doing it. I do have to travel for work sometimes and I'm away over night and sometimes it seems worse then or when his cousins visit (the eldest has a lot of tantrums and I think he doesn't like that). It makes me feel like I shouldn't go away, but then I really need the work as a single mum, I get no support from his dad and my line of work does mean travel from time to time although I've tried to reduce it as much as possible. Any advice welcome!

You’re doing a really thoughtful job already — noticing triggers, working with the nursery, stepping in early and reflecting on what might be going on for him. This is a very common in toddlers, especially around 18months - 2.5yrs. At this age, biting and scratching are usually less about aggression and more about feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, lack of impulse control or difficulty expressing feelings. It doesn’t mean he’ll keep doing it long-term.

Toddlers don’t yet have the words or self-regulation to express “I’m upset,” “I don’t want to share,” or “That was too much for me.”Excitement, noisy environments, or cousins having tantrums can also tip him over. It makes sense that you’ve noticed it’s worse when you’ve been away since biting can be a way of showing stress or needing control.

Beware that even negative attention (“telling him off”) can reinforce the behaviour if it’s consistent. Try to stay calm but firm: “No biting. Biting hurts.” Short, clear, and without lots of emotion. Comfort the person who has been bitten first – this shows biting doesn’t get him attention. Avoid any long lectures — at two, he won’t take it in, and it can feel like big attention.

Before play, remind him “We use gentle hands. If you’re upset, you can say stop or come to me.”

You can try giving him something physical to bite (a teether, chewy toy, even crunchy snacks) if he needs that sensory outlet.

Catch him when he’s playing nicely — “You gave your cousin the toy, that was kind!” — so he learns what does get your attention.

If your travel seems linked, some “mum-and-me” rituals (special cuddle before bed, a little video call when you’re away, a consistent goodbye/hello routine) may help him feel secure.

Ask family and nursery to do all the above, so the lessons and reactions are consistent! He will outgrow it.

Thanks so much this is very kind and useful advice ❤️