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Behaviour/development

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4 year old behaviour

2 replies

ConfusedMummaJ · 20/08/2025 08:41

My almost 4 and a half year old girl has been behaving incredibly badly and very out of character since the start of the summer holidays (hitting, backchatting, general defiance etc)

I’ve tried to maintain routine, boundaries and discipline but don’t feel that I’ve been given the backing of my husband (whole separate issue) and now she feels like she can walk all over me and talk to me however she wants. She’s already learnt that if I say no to something that she wants then she can just ask her dad who will give it to her. He typically says yes to her because he doesn’t want to deal with a tantrum. I’ve tried to make sure she has something fun to do each day whether that’s a day out or something special at home (money is tight)

I work in education so have sole responsibility for childcare throughout the school holidays however am missing the ‘village’ to step in when I need a break. Today she “told me off” (aggressive tone of voice, hands on hips, pushing past me, refusing to listen or apologise) because our picnic blankets were in the garden where I’d left them to air out and I broke, her dads response was “I didn’t say anything to her, she’s just trying to talk like a big girl” while giving her a cuddle.

I’m not really sure what it is I’m looking for by sharing this but feel like I need to offload somewhere, I’m at breaking point and don’t know what to do next. Thanks for reading 😔

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Nicaveron · 20/08/2025 08:54

Your daughter is not the problem - her father is. He’s undermining your authority and allowing her - actually giving her permission - to treat you like shit! I’d be having a serious talk with him and be telling him that if his support of you, his wife and mother of his child, doesn’t change then it will be a parting of the ways!

BunnyRuddington · 22/08/2025 07:11

Agree it’s time to have a talk with your DH when your DD is not around. Undermining you all of the time when you’re the main caregiver is very unreasonable behaviour.

With your DD though, it’s a bit unusual for them to be hitting at 4.5. Have school/Nursery flagged up any concerns? How does she score on this simple progress checker?

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