4yr old DS - worried not “school ready”

[TerroristToddler]

DS is 4 and going to reception in September. He’s excited to go. However I do worry about him being “school ready”. School made a big deal out of all the tasks he needs to be able to do independently and despite me trying everything to encourage him he struggles a lot with stuff like:

Putting on his shoes and socks (can do other dressing okay)
Doing his coat up (can put it on but can’t work zip or popper at all)
Wiping bum (will scream for help and I know he can do it as I’ve stopped doing it months ago and now just hand him toilet roll and instruct him, but he won’t do it without me there)

He is quite sensory too. funny about socks and how they feel. Hates his top getting a bit wet so will demand a change of top if he spills a bit of drink on himself. I try to show him that it dries out by setting 10min timer and then checking again and he agrees it dries but still cries to get changed if it happens again.

He has a lot of tantrums since he turned 3.5 too. Is Easily distracted and isn’t great at listening. Recently got his hearing checked - all okay - and eyes tested and found out his vision is poor so he’s now got glasses (about a month ago).

Hes my second DS so I’ve been through the starting school phase before and feel I should know what I’m doing but DS2 is such a different child to my first (who didn’t struggle with motor skills at all). DS1 has ADHD though so struggled elsewhere I guess.

Any tips to help or advice?

Meant to add - he is doing ok academically and knows all his letters and numbers. Can read books with short words by blending and using his phonics. Can do easy simple maths sums.

so I guess I’m more worried about his struggling to do the physical stuff. The bum wiping issue is my main worry with starting school!

Well he's streets ahead of my dgs (a late spring birthday) who is also starting in September and definitely isn't reading ..recognises a few letters and counts to 20 and that's it.
Similar struggles with clothes.. can't do a zip independently, can do shoes but they are sometimes on the wrong feet and socks are tricky. DGS school have the children sent in in PE kit on PE days in reception year to avoid the 'can't get my socks on' type problems.
Will he actually poo at school? Most kids hang on til they get home in my experience (I work in Early Years) and if they have to... they don't wipe! DGS is very short for his age and he tries but he literally hasn't got arms long enough to reach successfully, so we are hoping he does his usual... come straight to Granny's and to the loo!
I really wouldn't get stressed about it... he'll gather skills over the year and he really won't be judged. Frankly these days we are just grateful if they are toilet trained and able to sit still for 5 minutes!

Thank you @Sonolanona - I know they'll all get there eventually, but its that worry that he'll be the only one who can't do it!

His school has really been pushing the 'school ready checklist' (far far more than it was when my oldest started school) so I think its got me paranoid! The rest of the school go in PE kit on PE days to prevent wasting time with changing, but in Reception they have to wear uniform daily and get changed into PE kit at school as apparently getting dressed/undressed is part of the curriculum for early years.

I'm kind of hoping he just won't poo at school tbh, but I know he does go at preschool now and again but it wasn't an issue there as the staff were always happy to help out with bum wiping! It sounds similar to your DSG - he genuinely struggles to coordinate to do it and can't really reach!

Going to keep encouraging him and just hope it works itself out.

I think school are probably pushing the “get ready for school list” for two reasons.

Some parents do seem genuinely clueless about what skills young DC need to function in a school away from their DPs all day and secondly, it makes ot so much easier for the staff. Imagine trying to teach 30 kids and none of them can put on their own shoes and socks.

How old is exactly @TerroristToddler? I think with ND being in the family and his advanced skills in literacy, look up hyperlexia, it might be worth doing this simple progress checker.

@BunnyRuddingtonyeah I totally understand why they need the kids all ready and with independence skills of course. He’s been at nursery then preschool settings since he was 9m old as we both work. Both us and settings have tried hard to help him learn these skills and had some successes - he can put on shoes if they’re not too fiddly ones. Socks he genuinely struggles with - can get them on but they’re often twisted a bit which for most kids is fine but he is very sensitive about the feeling of the seams being twisted so gets upset and says he needs help.

He turned 4 in June. So a summer born.
my eldest was born late August and so he was only 4 a week before starting school (in the midst of 2020 Covid!) and I just don’t remember him struggling with these things

I think you are doing your best and that’s all that matters. Practise the zips and putting socks shoes on everyday and give him a treat if he gets it right

With socks, how stretchy are the ones he's practicing on? With my second, I found she struggled with her sister's hand-me-down socks, as they'd gone a bit stiff with washing, but could get the newer ones on more easily. Ribbed ones are extra stretchy and the easiest, if he's okay with the feel of the ribs.

Seamless socks might feel better to him as well.

Is your school picky about the design of the coat? The first zip my two could do completely on their own was a Frugi gillet with a particularly chunky head to the zip. Their coats might have similar?