How do you get a 3 1/2 year old ds to play on his own, help needed quick

[chookskin]

My 3 1/2year old ds will not do anything by himself!He will not play with any of his toys unless you are with him and joining in all the time. He is sport mad and wants me to play games with him all the time. Obviously its lovely at times but I have a 10 week old ds2 and obviously don't have time to play with him very minute of the day. He gets quite angry and worked up when myself or dh don't play with him and its starting to drive me mad! Help please....

DD is a bit like this, she's 7 and I've realised it stems from jealousy of her 22m-old brother.

I find if I give her my undivided attention for maybe 1/2 an hour, and I mean no distractions at all (don't answer phone etc) she is much happier and will often then go off and play alone when I explain that I have to do suchandsuch.

Does he have any friends that could come and play with him (altho I suspect it's you he wants)?

DS wouldn't play alone at this age. I used to sit down and play with him and then just get up and go when he was engrossed. Or stay next to him and do something else (read).

I suspect with new baby on the scene this is not a good time to try to encourage solitary play.

Chookskin, how about you set aside a time of day to be his playtime with you ( bit hard if LO has no routine yet, I appreciate that).

Then instead of getting all stressed while he gets upset you can say "at X o'clock it will be your time".

Then turn off TV, disconnect phone and get down on the floor with him. I think, as I said before, focussing on him alone might help. Maybe you could reward him for waiting patiently?

Thanks for the advise cadelaide and Othersideofthechannel. Part of the problem is that DS is cricket mad(my DH plays and coaches cricket for a living)and I basically can't get him to do or play with anything else. I try and come up with suggestions for activities that I will do with him but on the whole he just wants to play cricket.

Do you have any suggestions as to any good toys/activities that might help to distract him from cricket? I have trouble thinking of what to buy him for Christmas and birthdays because he doesn't really play with anything else.

The problem hasn't got any worse since DS2 was born he was just like this before.

yes make a timetable and stick to it so that he can start to predict what is happening next

ie after breakfast sit down with him and have half hour story time
then go and do your own stuff for half an hour
10 am sit down and do playdough or sticking
10.30 send him out in the garden while you do something else
11 am go for a walk and play football
12 noon lunch
after lunch: he plays by himself with bricks or cars or whatever

these are just suggestions but if he can recognise a pattern to the day and realise that after a short while you WILL come and play with him again, it should help
I know it is hard to stick to a routine with a baby btw! the pattern is more important than the actual times

for ideas of really riveting play for a 3 y o I would try things like clay, playdough, cooked spaghetti in a big bowl with some spoons, sand, (sand in a salt shaker and a tray to sprinkle it on is really fun), water (in the bath or in the garden) and some really interesting toys like funnel, sieve, plastic tube, garden mister, syringe, measuring cups

a lot of these will make a mess but you can either do them in the bath, garden area if you have one, or put a messy mat down in kitchen or whatever and let him get on with it
I would say these are activities that need supervising but will get you out of playing cricket hopefully! I think it will be a gradual process to get him to play by himself, but things he might be interested in are: cars with slopes to roll them down, small figures or animals, and musical instruments to bang

i have seen a wall mat in stydio catalogue that has picture of goal and has light you kick ball at lights and makes noises

interactive sporty and should keep amused alone

im going to get it for my ds 3 he loves football and this will enable him to play alone

www.catalogue.24studio.co.uk/shared/search/viewresults.asp?p=1#

never done link before so hope it works

Thank you, I will try out your suggestions. I'll try that link, hopefully it works as it sounds good and he loves playing football.

just type in football maat in product search

mat

I could have posted OP and have sone so many times before! DS1 is 3.9 DS2 nearly 6m. Swap cricket for football .

I try and give him undivided attention for some periods during the day and at the times that i want him to play on his own i am just firm and tell him that i have to do something else and he has to play on his own for a while. Amazingly he accepts this after a couple of minutes(DH has great success with this) so i think alot of what they do is disigned to pull on your heart strings.

I know he's a bit young for proper friends but does he have other boys to play with? DS who is almost three has started playing with other children and I find this takes the heat off me a bit!

we do choices, eg

mummy needs to cook/phone granny/whatever, do you want to draw, play with duplo or do jigsaws?

ds has always liked me to set him off on an activity, but then will happily potter for half an hour or so