Toddler - a typical 2 year olds development or early signs of autism?

[KSurreyMummy]

Hi,

My 2 year old (3 at the end of the year) is quite a shy boy. He gets very frustrated if guests come in our house and takes quite a while to open up.. but even then, he is displaying 10% of his usual chatting happy self he would show myself or his dad. The childminder has said he is happy with the other children but also enjoys alone time but she doesn't seem too concerned. A few birthday parties that we have been to recently have been agonising as he tends to have a tantrum and refuses to play with everyone else when he sees these same children 5 days a week. It seems to be social situations when he seems to shut down, if we are in a cafe or park as a family unit, he is as loud as can be. I'm starting to worry if these are early signs? When I say worry, not that I'm upset or disappointed but more so, I want to help him where I can / provide a better setting for him.

When I research online, other typical autism traits don't seem to align with my little one, he loves food and is capable of engaging emotions etc.

Does anyone have any advice? Part of me wants to avoid seeing my friends with him there as he always seems so unhappy and I have to walk away with him to calm him down. I think I'm starting to worry as before I know it schools need to be picked and now I'm unsure if I need to look into smaller schools so he feels happier and able to thrive.

Thanks in advance, any help is appreciated!

EDIT - he acknowledged after a gathering yesterday that he is sorry he is shy. Broke my heart! I guess it's a good thing he acknowledges it? I'm still so worried though :(

My eldest sometimes struggled in busy, noisy environments if we arrived and the room was already like that. I found arriving early and letting the room fill up whilst he was already there helped him. So that might be an option to try for any parties in the future?

It would be unusual for him to sleep and eat well with ASD, not unheard of though.

The 30 month Social & Emotional Ages & Stages should give you an idea of whether he needs referring or not

@BunnyRuddington thanks for the reply and tips, I'll try that out. I've been doing some research and maybe he has selective mutism instead as his food/sleep are fine. Definitely one I'll monitor and just keep on encouraging him.

How did you get on with the assessment that I linked to?

@BunnyRuddington it said that he needs help with social interactions. So I'm hoping us adding an extra club class at the weekend and an extra toddler group in the weekday may help him feel confident to interact with other kids. I feel like I see myself in him, I was always quite shy and nervous in group settings. We currently have him placed at a childminders 3 days a week but I'm starting to think pre school might be more beneficial as it's larger group settings.

I’m sorry what I linked to there was the progress checker from the charity Speech & Language UK.

If they say he needs support i would contact your HV tomorrow and ask for a referral for a hearing test and for SaLT. I think a referral to Portage would also help.

What I should have linked to, and what would be useful to fill in before you speak to the HV is the 30 month Social & Emotional Ages & Stages.

@BunnyRuddington that seems strange as the only 'negative' on the test was not being able to speak to other kids happily, he can eat my ear off at home with a wide vocabulary / long sentences. For example, he happily recites his day back to us over dinner. I'll definitely speak to a HV but I don't feel too concerned, it's more the socialising in groups I'm worried about. Thanks for the help!

@BunnyRuddington I recognise that questionnaire, we had the HV appointment a few months back and he did really well and the HV was happy with his progress.

I’m glad that the HV is happy but it would be very usual for a HV to ask you to fill in the Social & Emotional Ages and Stages if they weren’t already concerned and thinking of referring your DS to Paediatrics.

Speech & Language UK are really well respected and I would, at the very least, discuss the results of their progress checker with your HV given that he says he needs support.

@BunnyRuddington Okay, I'll drop an email to the HV (by the way our appointment was standard for every child at 27 months, not requested).

If I'm honest, this checker makes me feel uneasy. Of the 20 questions, I put all as yes, except for 1 as 'Not Sure' and it gives the auto response that assistance may be needed which seems harsh in my opinion? It just adds anxiety for parents when this checker assumes all children should tick yes for 20/20? When I had my standard HV appointment, she even mentioned my son shouldn't worry if he can't do everything on the questionnaire but scored very well anyway (the 27 month checker had 2 things he couldn't do and she said that's expected).. so this online one seems a bit strict to only allow 100%? I'm not against the help but I just think it's unhelpful to say if you aren't 100%, you aren't 'on track'. What are your thoughts?

The Speech & Language UK progress checker does suggest that you need support if you don’t say yes to every question but it’s just that literally, your DS may need a little support. It’s not saying he’s failing or has something else wrong, it’s just saying that in those situations he could probably use some support and getting him a hearing test and seeing a qualified SaLT would be useful.

@BunnyRuddington ah okay, thanks for clarifying. I'll drop my HV an email and enquire about this area that's been highlighted. Thank you for all the advice!