Children swearing and having a meltdown

[Lilofig]

My child is going through a lot lately with friend problems etc but he keeps exploding at me. I have just asked him to hurry up for an appointment and he has started swearing and screaming at me and refused to go. This behaviour is happening more and more. I did put in for an ADHD referral because there's lots of other issues but school haven't backed me. I'm at a loss but something is clearly not right.

To add to this, he has had ADHD symptoms since being very young but it's only now that the behaviour has started but I guess this post isn't about whether he has ADHD or not I would just like advice on how to deal with these explosions. Thanks

I’m a youth worker in London and see this a lot with kids. What helps is having a clear ‘naughty zone’ where they stay until they’ve calmed down and apologised. Then give real praise when they reset, simple encouragement like ‘well done for calming down’ goes a long way. Those small steps really do shift behaviour over time.

Hope that helps and if you’d like to chat more, feel free to message me.

How old is your DS @Lilofig?

He’s 14. He’s so tall and strong too and it’s quite intimidating when he gets like this.

I can imagine it is intimidating and he's probably using that a bit to his advantage.

If you suspect ADHD have you discussed it with him? Does he feel like getting some support might be useful?

Does he do any sport or exercise? My DS is a bit older and has ADHD and is finding going to the gym and running is helping at the moment.

Yeah, he feels he has ADHD but the school haven’t supported the referral at all so unfortunately he cannot get a diagnosis. I think he has a few friendship/girlfriend issues too at the moment which isn’t helping

We weren’t supported by the school either so went through the GP. It might be worth speaking to the School Nurse service yoi to see if they can help you?