Mums of 4yo girls come and talk to me about their behaviour, is my DD just going through a phase?

[sweetkitty]

DD1 is 4 in a month and in the last month or so has suddenly become really difficult. She has always been an angel child but just recently has changed so much. She is becoming so violent towards her younger sister (biting/hairpulling as well as the usual hitting/kicking/pushing). I tell her not to do something and she goes ahead and does it anyway. She has been a nightmare to potty train taking up to a year to be dry but she still has accidents and never keeps a pair of pants dry for a day. She will either start peeing before being over the toilet and wet herself or like today she just wet herself out in the garden, when I asked her why she hadn't come in for the toilet she started on about some story about DD2 pushing her. She is not fazed by having soaking wet pants on all day. She is still in pull ups at night.

And thats another thing she is lying all the time, yesterday she hit her head on the kitchen unit and started crying saying DD2 had pushed her, I watched it happen and DD2 was nowhere near her. She is always blaming DD2 for things when it's blatantly her.

So punishment? We do time out and naughty corner but it seems to be having no effect. I have now started taking away treats like the occasional ice cream after dinner as well as not allowing her to do crafts with the rest of us (like not being allowed to draw etc) I don't know what else to do, I confisicate toys if they fight over them as well for a certain time.

I'm due DD3 in 6 weeks and wonder if it's got anything to do with that or is it just a developmental phase she is going through? My friends DC are all younger so don't have anyone to compare her to.

Do you ever get much time with just DD1 and you?

Message withdrawn

Thanks for the replies

twocutedarlings - no it is very rare that I get any time just DD1 and myself anymore, DD2 does not have an afternoon nap and I don't get any help apart from DP. I do make a fuss of her special storytime at night etc though.

hatrick - I don't think the weeing thing is for attention, she will do it if I'm not there (with DP) the other week she and I had a rare day out when it was her nursery trip to a safari park, I took her to the toilet and about 20 mins later she was playing on the slide things and I noticed a big wet patch and she had wet herself. Sometimes she will take herself off and change her pants, other times she doesn't bother that she is wet. She was a heavy wetter as a baby, terrible to potty train and I would say she never has been 100% reliable at going to the toilet, it isn't a new thing IYSWIM.

I know a lot of it is frustration and lashing out at DD2 as sometimes for example DD1 is playing all nice with her dollies and DD2 will go up and riun her game so DD1 lashes out.