Hubby grabbed toddler by scruff of neck

[Mummypowerflower]

Currently on holiday with my husband and 3 year old (4 in October). The two of them have not been getting on well at all. It’s been a constant battle. Hubby is too strict and I am easy going more about understanding where our toddler behavior is stemming from than going in all guns blazing like my husband does.

Today on the beach my husband grabbed our little boy by the scruff of his neck because he threw sand on his neck and it hit some of his face. Little one burst out crying in fright and I was just furious at how a grown man handled this. It’s not the first time he has handled something badly and has been on our son’s back this whole holiday.

really don’t know what to do… it In my eyes it’s totally unacceptable and hubby doesn’t think he is wrong at all .

😮 This is 100% not an appropriate or safe way to discipline, especially for a 3-year-old. At that age, kids are still testing boundaries and often don’t understand the consequences of their actions. They need clear limits, yes, but also calm, age-appropriate responses. Physical handling in anger can easily cross a line into being harmful, both physically and emotionally.

The fact that this isn’t the first incident and that your husband “doesn’t think he’s wrong” makes this more concerning. If a parent can’t see that their reaction was inappropriate, it’s harder for them to change their behaviour without direct intervention. Often adults who default to being overly strict benefit from learning more about child development and positive discipline strategies… However, in the immediate term, you priority is your child’s safety and emotional wellbeing. Presuming you feel safe with your husband, address it calmly but firmly with him away from your child… physical aggression is not a “parenting style”. If he seriously doesn’t get that, it’s important to take it seriously far beyond this holiday context.

I would also comfort your child and explain that it wasn’t OK. So that they understand this is not an acceptable way to treat people, OR for others to treat them.

Sending you the very best 🩷 what an awful situation to be in.

Not that my husband's done it a lot, but if he's been full on I've had words, sometimes nicely as in "are you feeling ok" and sometimes not.