My toddler has stopped sleeping at night - please help we are getting no sleep

[stressed2007]

Hi. Sorry for long post. I really hope someone can help as we are at the end of our tether. My 26 month old has just stopped sleeping at night. We went through a spate of waking up in the night quite a few months ago but it passed. We have a new baby (now 5 months) and new house (4 months) but at least superficially neither seem to have upset her and I thought she was very much a chid that takes everything in her stride. We started to break the golden rule that more experienced parents told us never to do which was not to let her in our bed if she got up in the night but when our sleep is also being broken by feeding a newborn in the night you just take the easiest option and let her in.

She was getting up at say 2am or 4am and coming into our bed, There is no way we can put her back when she goes to sleep as she wakes up on route and goes mad and throws a total tantrum. Now we have got to the stage where she wakes up even before we go to bed. Basically she goes down easily in her cot but she is up within a few hours calling for mummy or daddy and even though we leave it for say 30 mins she does n't stop calling and then she starts screaming etc and gets more upset and I can't leave her like that. It has now got even worse last night she would n't even stop crying when we put her in our bed - she was whingey crying all night and did n't want to be consoled. She lashed out at me when I went to pick her up. so we had about an hours sleep all night and this is about the tenth night in a row. What can we do? I did get her to sleep by putting her in the cotbed and saying mummy was going to sleep on the floor and she went to sleep but as soon as she woke up within an hour we started all over again. I am not sure what is waking her up: too light (I don't have black out blinds but she is waking in the middle of the night)? too cold? Noise from central heating? Hitting head on the bars of the cot bed (she does this a lot)? Just wanting to get into our bed?

Any suggestions please? She goes down between 7.30-8 pm and attends nursery where she has an hours sleep at most so she is not sleeping too much in the day. Would a bigger bed help (she does end up sleeping horizontally between me and dad she so we both end up getting kicked all night when she is in our bed)? I am concerned she will then get out of it all the time whereas now we have to get her. Help please? Thanks. Yours desperately....

Take the sides off the cot, tell her it's her big girl bed where she goes to sleep. Fix a baby gate across her bedroom door. Follow a strict bedtime routine, e.g. tea, bath, bed, story. No T.V., computer games, or rowdy play. Try to do them without the baby, so she gets undivided attention during these. Settle her to sleep. When she wakes, go straight away, put her back in bed, tell her now it's time to sleep, and leave the room. Return if she hasn't settled after 5 mins. Do this twice more. The next time, put her in bed and leave without speaking to her at all. You may need to do this many times, but she needs to get the message that your bed is off limits. Do not give in!! You can leave her screaming and crying, as long as she's safe in her room. If you stick with it this should not last more than 3 nights.

Organise some sort of care for your baby during the day, while DD is at nursery, for you to catch up on sleep, and cope better during the night. Go to bed at 9pm if you and Daddy need to. I think DD is so overtired, she finds it difficult to sleep properly, so the 'boring" routine for winding down is really important. Eventually, DD will realise that you mean business, and are not giving in to her tantrums, and will settle better. And the more sleep she gets, the happier you will all be. You have to be cruel to be kind and not give in. And you and Daddy need to work together and back each other up, it won't work if one of you gives in.

Hope this works for you, good luck!