Toddler's separation anxiety and my declining mental health

[esgill]

My 22-month old daughter has been teething and ill for the past month and while I feel deeply sorry for her, I'm also going somewhat insane.

She is still breastfed and has lost all ability to play independently, she is hardly eating food but constantly asking for milk. I am sleep deprived, it's like the early newborn days, lots of screaming during the night and fighting to get her back to sleep. My boobs are sore. I am feeling touched out. I want to continue at least until 2 years, preferably until she's ready (so long as it doesn't go past 3) but I didnt' think shed be this depend on me at this point. I can't go out in the evening as without feeding to sleep she just screams non-stop and I can't do that to her or my husband, although he has offered to try.

I feel like screaming – I feel like going away for a week – but also guilty because I'd feel like I'm abandoning her. It's this constant puppy dog eyes and trembling lip and saying 'mummy' and I just feel so trapped.

It doesn't help we have no family support nearby and can't afford nursery. We're both freelancers and have to take turns.

Taking her out recently has been sheer hell. She is indecisive all the time and starts having a tantrum because she doesn't know what she wants (she wants a cup of soya milk, she doesn't, she wants a biscuit, she doesn't). Staying at home is also sheer hot hell as I can't get a break. I am exhausted from breastfeeding and from the overwhelm of being constantly needed/screamed at. This month I have to admit I am really not enjoying parenting. I just feel like I am not made for this.

It was to begin with probably teething. I think her molars are coming through as she's been biting her fists all the time and drooling. She's also going through a period of development, learning new words all the time, starting to combine words. A few days ago she had a raging fever and since then she's had a bad cough, a runny nose, diarrhoea – we assume she's not feeling comfortable all around. We have been giving her Calpol when she allows it – and with the teething we were rubbing teething gels into her gums.

When does this end? Any tips for how to cope?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds incredibly tough, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed. Teething, especially the molars are the often the most painful and causes extreme discomfort. When they feel unwell, it is natural, biological response to be extremely clingy and constantly ask for milk as their emotional security.

Teething is very painful. Have you tried her with Ibruprofen, it’s more effective than paracetamol for dental pain.

Have you tried a teething gel too?

And if you’re feeling touched out, can your DH take her out for a walk when it’s his time to mind her?

Once she’s over the pain of teething and feeling completely well, i would think about night weaning. This method is very gentle. Sounds like you’ll have to wait though as no respectable child care expert would recommend night weaning when they’re poorly

@BunnyRuddington thank you, I'm going to have a read. The problem is that for the past few months, I thought we were almost there with night weaning, without planning it? She went down with milk but stayed asleep most of the night, waking up quite early at 7 am but usually going down for sleep again at 9 am. She only picks up the night feeding again when ill or teething but seems to be going through this quite frequently!

@TheMaryClaire thank you for the reassurance and validation! I know it must be very painful for her. I am just feeling really tested!

It does sound as though she’s not well. Plenty of foods today that help teething and plenty of teething gel and some pain relief and hopefully you’ll have a better day