Almost 4 year old negative behaviours

[Momto22124]

Advice please!
Back ground: My LO is going to be 4 in Dec. He is naturally impulsive for his age but considerably more compared to peers and has been referred by the school and HV for an assessment for ASD and waiting to be referred for ADHD.
Behaviours: Hitting, Kicking and biting us and his 1yo sibling (this is more likely when hes overwhelmed of frustrated)
Throwing toys
Weeing on the sofa or where he has been put on time out.
Then give like a really grimacing smile... I hate to say it almost like my mom always jokes and says hes like Damon.
On top of this when we are putting him on time out (following what they do at school) as a consequence of his behaviour he has started blowing raspberries at us. This might be fairly innocent although still not appropriate reaction to the consequence but it's incredibly frustrating when you're already pretty stressed out his behaviour.
I have reached out to the HV for support and they have done the referrals but haven't been so great with supporting techniques of how to handle challenging behaviours.
He is honestly such a wonderful, polite and beautiful baby. My absolute world! I just want to find ways to help him and help ourselves be better equipped as parents.

Thank you in advance.

Look for ASD and ADHD support groups on Facebook, people there will likely have techniques more suited for your son.

Google around parenting children with ASD/ADHD.

I think it's unlikely that time out is suitable for him if he has these additional needs.

I agree that time out rarely seems to work for ND DC. Have you found the SN section on MN yet @Momto22124? That’s usually very helpful.

I’m surprised school are doing time out. Does it work there? Are they doing anything else like Zones of Regulation with him avd does he have an ECHP?

Agree that you probably need some local support too. Have you found your local Autism Group and have you befn put in touch with any local SN Holiday Groups?

Has he had a hearing test too and is he having any SaLT?

Probably the best books on behaviour for your DS are The Explosive Child and the the Whole Brained Child.

If ADHD is suspected too are you doing anything to try and promote regulation? Things like walks in the country, playing at the park, sport and introducing some mediation before bed? There are lots suitable for 5 year olds on YouTube.

Sorry added a year onto his age there.

I really appreciate your advice and links! :) I will take a look!
I was really apprehensive about school doing it. I never wanted to do time out because I didn't think it was really beneficial for them and from what I notice at home he will just use the 3 minutes being heavily distracted and picking at the walls, posting things through the post box or in 'protest' will wee on the spot as soon as hes put on time out.
In saying that I think at school so far they said he will last for a minute and go about his day like nothing happened.
I have been told he should have a ECHP plan. School won't even allow him on school trips without me or my DH there with him which I dont mind but it's hard trying to get time off of work and sad that he would miss out if we couldn't.
The school and health visitor had a meeting before HT and they co wrote the referral and when I mentioned the ECHP before we broke up the school said I could self refer but I've seen the HV over the holidays and she has said that it's better that the school do it... so already back and fourth which is incredibly frustrating!
We take him out for Daily walks to the park and around the village but it can be difficult because DH works full-time and whilst I can manage both DC most of the time when we are out my DS1 behaviour can be really unpredictable and run into roads etc. Before bed we dont have any screen time (he doesn't have a tablet just tv) 1 hour before bed and we have started trying to do play dough because it's the only task I have found he will be willing to sit and do for an extended time. We have also been using the novomins night Dummies for about 6 months but I can't say I have noticed a difference.
The GP & school referred him to SALT waiting for an appointment with them. Audiology discharged him as he had perfect hearing. Im on a few FB groups but haven't posted anything just yet will have a look though for some more information xx

Ok so I would head on over to the SN Children Section and ask about applying for an ECHP and what that should include. It sounds as though including SaLT, Art Therapy and regular breaks might be a good start, especially if he’s responding well to playdough. Have you tried him with baking yet? Just wondered if he enjoys making pastry or crumble as it’s a similar sensory experience to the play dough.

If he’s likely to run into the road, can you have him on reins for the bits where it would be dangerous for him?

I would keep in with the gummies but at the assessments for ASD i would ask about being prescribed Melatonin. It doesn’t work for everyone but for my DC2 it has been life changing.

And I’m not sure if excluding him from school trips is legal. Again I would ask about that in the SN Children Section

No idea why my post has been hidden? Don’t think there was anything too controversial in there.

Thank you so much. Honestly your advice is extremely helpful. I can't believe how much of a mind field it can be in this day and age to actually find help!
I didn't know that about school trips but it really does seem unfair and I thought surely if they can't manage him without a parent that should encourage them to apply for the ECHP even more! I will arrange a meeting with their Senco in September to try and get a clear poa. He starts reception in a years time and the HV is stressing that he needs to ECHP in place before then because whilst it's currently play based learning there is no way he would manage to sit at a table or anything unless it involves art based stuff.
Im not sure about your post being hidden I can see the last one recommending about the SN section xx

Looks like my post is back!

I really, really recommend taking the lead on the ECHP and not waiting a month to speak to School. It sounds as though he needs one. It’s based on need rather than diagnosis and the sooner he has one, the better the outcome should be for him.

Has the HV also referred him to Portage?