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Behaviour/development

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Help!

2 replies

Lenny19 · 03/08/2025 19:51

Mum to two boys age just turned 5 and almost 7.
School holidays, currently off with them. Behaviour has been pretty much terrible all holiday. They.are only happy when they have my full attention, and are doing exactly what they want.
Youngest has a genetic condition, no behavioural/ neurodiverse diagnosis as yet but I am certain he has something. His genetic condition is associated with emotional immaturity.
Oldest boy is argumentative, overreacts, shouts at me. Strops and tantrums. This has really been going on for over a year but is exacerbated by the holidays. Younger one does similar but off the scale over the top, and changes from 0 to 100 in an instant. Takes a lot to then calm him. Has now started hitting kicking and biting too.
If for example they are playing they then both want to win but will quite happily spoil the entire thing when they don't.
I've tried being gentle, and particularly when they've completely lost it offer them hugs.
I try to offer choices to allow control. I try not to shout, but when you've asked something repeatedly and been ignored or told no, that's where it ends.
I've tried naughty step, reward charts, leaving the room, taking them to their bedroom, removing toys in order to show them that actions have consequences.
Genuinely don't know what to do next - any advice on parenting please?!
Both of these children are apparently angels at school, and can be delightful. They tend to be better when they are out, but again, on their terms mostly - last week on holiday I had to walk out of the fish and chip shop with them, then take them away from a boating lake because of poor behaviour.
Also - is this normal or not because I am increasingly worried that it isn't?! Thanks in.advance for any pearls of wisdom.

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 04/08/2025 06:52

Hitting, kicking and biting at 5 isn’t usual no. Have you managed to spot any triggers like hunger, tiredness or needing a poo?

Do you think either of them might have ADHD and are winding up their sibling as an easy way to get a dopamine hit?

Lenny19 · 04/08/2025 14:11

Thanks for reply.
I have been certain little one has ADHD pretty much since he was a baby. He has poor sleep and various other things that fit. But nobody else sees it so haven't managed to get anywhere. Sometimes tiredness and hunger are triggers for anger, but other times there are absolutely no triggers that I can see, and the circumstances have been happy but deteriorate in seconds.

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