DS (3) won’t poo on potty or toilet

[greglet]

DS turned three in May and has been reliably toilet trained for wees since around March. However, he point blank refuses to poo anywhere but in a nappy, and we are at a bit of a loss as to how to persuade him otherwise.

For a bit of context, he is incredibly strong willed: we had a go at potty training over Christmas and although he was physically capable, he wasn’t emotionally ready. We had to pause after we took him out for the day and he held his wee for five hours because he wanted a nappy and wouldn’t use the loo/potty.

He’s also basically unbribable: last night, he really wanted a macaron and we said he could have one if he ate a piece of courgette (he’s crap with vegetables). He ended up forgoing the macaron because he was so adamant that he wasn’t going to eat the courgette. This is a pretty common occurrence so although I’d be happy to give something like a sticker chart a go, I’m not sure it’d work!

I’m worried that if we push too hard, he’ll end up withholding and developing issues with constipation. He’s not scared of using the potty - he has pooed on it a couple of times over the last few months, but very much at his choosing - and he doesn’t have digestive issues that make pooing uncomfortable. He’s just bloody-minded!

If anyone has any suggestions about how to get a very stubborn toddler pooing on the loo, please let me know!

Can you start by getting him to poo in the nappy if he asks for one?

@BunnyRuddingtonHe will only poo in a nappy and reliably asks for one when he needs to go.

What worked for my kids was to tell them confidently, during a connected time - like when patiently changing their dirty nappy - "Soon, you'll be ready to poo on the toilet!" But otherwise, drop the topic completely and back off so it doesn't become a power struggle.

We've been potty training for 2 months since my little girl started weeing willingly in the potty. I'm going through the same with her, she's 2.8 years old, she's great with weeing but not pooing and has refused to do it in the potty but also refuses to do it in a nappy unless she's already wearing one and we have been using pants only in the house for weeks now. Out of the house, we've had her in pants only for a week now (except at night) and she has soiled her pants every time except yesterday and the day before when she announced ITS A POO and asked for her fox travel potty. Other than that, she hides and shouts GO AWAY when she is pooing so she knows when it's happening. This morning she soiled again but it was rock hard and took ages so I think she was constipated, but this evening she ran off partway through dinner and did a poo in the potty again. When I posted about this a few days ago on mumsnet, before we had had any successful potty pooing, I got two responses aggressively ordering me to put her back in nappies, but I had decided I was in this for the long haul and would clean up her turd covered clothes for a year or however long was necessary because I didn't want to take her backwards and put her in nappies when she had instigated the potty use herself and was doing so well with weeing. I'm so glad I ignored the responses because it seems to be falling into place, fingers crossed, although I definitely won't be counting my chickens yet. I have no idea whether things will go back and forth for a while with her pooing in the potty or soiling, but having spoken to her nursery, my sister who works in a nursery, and my mother in law who has nearly 50 years experience as a childminder, they all said don't put her back in nappies, just have patience and it will happen eventually.

It will happen, I know you've been at this long haul already but it will happen. Good luck with it, and as I am sure you've been told, this is very common. I only know about 9 people with kids and 5 of them took a while longer to master pooing on the potty, but all by the age of 3.5, and all of them except mine would allow a nappy to be put on whereas I've been having to hosepipe her pants in the garden before washing them to get the lumps off!

Perhaps something in the garden will grow better or worse next year as a result, who knows. . . .

Thank goodness you wrote this, I'm not thr OP but I have the same issue - little girl's been ready to wee in the potty for a month or two, fine with wees for a few weeks now, takes herself no problem, even dry pull up most nights but has taken to insisting on pooing in her pants.
She did one or maybe two poos in the potty early on and seemed pleased with herself but has gone right against it now and won't even try when she obviously needs it, then soils herself. Oh well. Keep trying. Glad to hear it's not unusual.

Seriously some people on here really angrily ordered me to put her back in nappies or because prepared to carry wet wipes and spare clothes and disposable gloves! I indicated that my child has done poos since she was born, so wet wipes and spare clothes are normal for me to carry around, and that gloves are just overkill because I actually wash my hands!

Yes this might take months to resolve or it might resolve next week. But it will resolve itself in the end. Mine is still a bit back and forth, we had a breakthrough when she did a poo in her travel potty at soft play yesterday as it was the first time she's done it while out, but then 45 minutes later she did a poo in her pants. I've found when they take a while to come out, she hides and shouts go away and refuses the potty. But when they come out easily she's using the potty. Not sure how to explain that it can take a while and that she can have toys or even some Shaun the sheep while she waits for it to come out, she's a bit speech delayed so I don't think I can get her to understand that just yet.

I kept taking her to the loo with me when I had to poo and I even pooed in her potty. She got more keen when we bought her a fox travel potty and started on that but is now using her proper potty. I won't push to get her on the loo for it yet, she's done wees on the loo but I just don't want to rush things with pooing until she's ready and really gets it a bit more.

I have two older kids and didn't have the same issue so it's caught me by surprise but I have been thinking of getting them to use her potty in front of her - my son would love it!