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HELP! My ds won't eat....

32 replies

snowboo · 27/05/2008 22:25

My ds1 is nearly six and refuses point blank to eat.
Today for example he has eaten:
One mouthful cereal
2 crumpets
Half a chip
One mouthful of chicken. Which he then threw back up as it was 'crunchy'
Two bites of a banana.

If i gave him a bowl of strawberries/blueberries/raspberries he'll scoff them down, spag bol he manages (on a good day) but thats mainly it.
We've tried the not feeding for three days (drs advice) he then refused to eat for 5 days. He is a bag of bones and i don't know what to do next.
The doctor/HV have been saying he'll grow out of it but thats been for the last 3 years!!!!
We're thinking of getting him refered as he is a worrier, something upset him, thought he dealt with it but i'm not so sure now...

Thanks for getting this far!
Any advice would be great.

OP posts:
imaginaryfriend · 28/05/2008 22:55

Dd has asthma too. Get him checked for allergies. When dd had her terrifying reaction to peanuts it started after really one teeny taste on her tongue. She said she'd got 'bits' in her throat and then she started to try to drink water madly, truly madly, splashing it all over her face. Then she swelled up all over and we called an ambulance.

Apparently milder reactions cause unpleasant sensations in the mouth and throat, which include choking sensations. Dd's refusal of many foods was explained to us once we knew about allergies. For instance dd is completely phobic about granary bread and we now think that's because it probably has sesame seeds or traces of nuts which literally made it hard for her to eat.

squilly · 29/05/2008 00:17

Imaginaryfriend, I think that's why the food issue causes so many problems. It's the fact that people look at you like you've got two heads for not having taught your DCs to appreciate food.

I get sympathy from some parents when dd goes for tea at their houses; shock/horror from others and complete disdain from others.

How dd is eats isn't soley down to me, though I know I must have done something wrong at some point for her to be so fussy.

She's now 7 and though she will eat the same diet of rice krispies for breakfast, cheese sandwiches for lunch and plain pasta and bread for tea, I make sure she has plenty of cucumber and raw carrot to munch on. She won't do fruit, but occasionally I shove an apple her way and she doesn't refuse it.

I'm learning to deal with it, but between 5 and 6 we had the most horrendous battles...tears, tantrums, wretching over food. And that was just me!

Luckily things have calmed down and I now remove myself from the dining table if madame starts to misbehave.

DD insists she doesn't really like food, so what can you do? We eat together as a family for every meal; we've cooked together; tried buffet foods, picnics with friends, etc...nothing seems to work.

I guess it can only get better!

Good luck with your boy. I'm sure that professional help will hit the spot.

conniedom · 29/05/2008 00:33

I don?t often tell people this, but;
My dad was not made to eat any food he did not like; he would regularly come home from school with his lunch in his pocket.
When I was a child he existed on Mince and Pots: Cottage pie, mince pie, mince stew (mince, pots and gravy) for a Sunday he would eat, beef, mash and roast pots and yorks. He would occasionally eat a carrot, orange, apple or banana, but that was it. He had a massive heart attack at 48 due to his diet.
As for me, well I was his pfb. Apparently I ate anything and everything until I was 2 and then my ma had 4 miscarriages in 18 months.
Then I got really fussy.
My dad would always say; oh, let her leave it, or, eat the meat leave the veg.
I am now 39 and if you invited me for dinner, well it would be my worst nightmare, what if you served peas, what if the potatoes had touched my meat! I would be ill with worry until the event.
I do not eat any pulses, (yuck the skin separates from the bean in your mouth and it feels awful) I hate root veg, with the exception of carrots. (root veg tastes vile to me) I hate veg if the truth be known.
I used to weigh 6 stone up until I had ds 9 years ago, and at my heaviest (xmas this yr) I weighed 17 stone (now 14, yeah). I have very thin hair, but a hairy face and body, permanent headaches, scanty periods, spots, I ache all over and my teeth are awful. My body thinks I am mal-nourished, which I am, even though I am over weight.
I have tried, a dietician, cranial osteopath, hypnosis, pretty much everything, even speech therapy.
It has got to the point were I wash up while dh and the kids eat their meals together. Tonight dh, ds and dd ate Lamb casserole with loads of fresh veggies and you could see them really enjoying their normal meal like a normal family, and I was washing up the stew pot! It was sad, actually.
My younger sister, one niece and my kids eat everything, my other niece is 2, and she is starting to get fussy, my sister is worried sick she will end up like my dad and I.
Upon saying all that, I can remember feeling awful that I couldn?t eat the meal (and still do) the feeling of isolation sitting in front of a meal you hate is awful. Because you do feel isolated from the people who can eat normally. The feeling of dread when it came to dinner time at school.
Another point, (after depressing the crap out of you with my shit - sorry) is ds would throw up whilst eating/after eating for a while; he had a hernia thing in his stomach, although his paed was originally unsure whether it would be this or stomach migraines.
Which is worth you knowing.

shybaby · 29/05/2008 00:50

Hi snowboo,

My ds has always had "issues" with food. When he was six he went through a phase where he was so skinny I could have cried for him!

I had dd at that time and so questioned my hv about ds too. I would give him food and he would take an hour and a half to eat one meal, or he would take a mouthful and spit it back into the middle of his plate so the whole lot would have to be thrown away. She told me "half an hour" at the most, if it wasn't eaten, throw it away.

It worked and he eats quite well now although he will not eat any kind of sauce, will only eat dry (ish) food. Thats his thing which is ok with me!

imaginaryfriend · 29/05/2008 09:17

conniedom, that's a very sad story. I can feel such loneliness between your lines. Can I ask you how you became obese if you don't eat with your family now? Do you over-eat alone?

I didn't mention my own food phobias but apparently as a child I would only eat fried egg, chips and salad cream. Of all things! For years. My family were Jewish vegetarian and my mum is an amazing cook. My elder brother was and is a fantastic eater and also a really good cook as an adult. I think I started to eat carrots around age 7 and by 10 or so I was eating a lot more vegetables and enjoying some of my mum's amazing cooking although there were always issues and there still are. I've always been very underweight, still am.

So of course with dd's fussy eating there was always the suspicion that she picked it up from me even though dp eats anything and everything. So far she's a lot better eater than me and has never been a low weight. But the battles with my mum I had as a child have been mirrored in new battles with dd whenever we go to stay.

desperatehouswife · 30/05/2008 22:53

Snowboo - I think if your ds' growth is being affected by his eating issues that you are within your rights to insist on a referral to a specialist for some support. You are amazing to have coped with the stress of the situation. I know that feeding clinics are very few and far between and don't know where you live but you may find a team including clinical psychologists /dietitians/speech and language therapy may be available. You will probably need a referral from your gp for this.

Conniedom - I also hope that you find the courage to seek a psychological approach to your eating issues so that you too can sit down with your family and enjoy that stew. Even if you have tried a psychologist before, please try a different one.

(BTW. I'm an slt, so have a small amount of knowledge in this area but my expertise is more mechanical than behavioural and my heart goes out to you both)

conniedom · 31/05/2008 21:35

IF, sorry for the delay, we had a bad storm the other day and our broadband has been down until now.
My weight was ok, but I would live on lettuce, cucumber or bread, until that is DS was born. He was born early (26 weeks) and when he finally came out of hospital, we were told to keep him at home and away from people so that he would not catch any germs. Pnd, virtual agoraphobia and the need to feed DS the minute he was hungry, meant that I picked. I got sick of heating my (weird carrot and meat) meals up, so started eating sandwiches, after he had fed. It was the start of a cycle I can not break, and now I rarely eat a meal, I just binged on sandwiches and snacks, whilst my family ate these incredible wholesome meals, which I insisted on cooking them. My kids, and DH would sit at the table with me, I would be feeding DS whilst DD and DH were eating. It is hard to break a cycle which has been necessitated by DS cerebral palsy and his inability to feed himself. Strangely in the last 5 months I have lost 3 stone, which is partly from eating salad again, and from walking a lot more. There is no answer to my problem, it is an eating disorder! I long for the day when I can eat a meal with my family with out thought, with out it being a high day or holiday.

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