Teen aggression

[KateHall123]

My 13YO son has ADHD/Dylexia. He has an EHCP but refuses to go to school. His behaviour is getting out of control. His father/my husband died suddenly 7 years ago. It’s just me, him & his younger sister. If I try & ground him he’ll laugh & jump over them fence, if I try & take his phone he’ll physically fight me for it. He swears & shouts & punches walls when things don’t go his way. Recently I found a vape & removed it & he stood in front of my bedroom door refusing to let me out until I gave it back threatening me & swearing etc. I said I was going to call the police & he took my phone. The police keep coming due to anti social behaviour. I’ve asked the school for help, they’ve made a few referrals to social care but it keeps getting declined, Youth Offenders Team weee involved but was a waste of time. I don’t think mainstream is the right setting but the LA says different. I just don’t know what to do? Has anyone else been through this & what did you do

Ive not been through it no and I do really feel for you. Is he on any medication for his ADHD and would he take it? Is there a Man in the family or social group that he would listen to?

He’s on ADHD meds & under CAMHS but refuses the meds as says it makes him feel weird- we’ve spoken to CAMHS about it but he won’t engage. We had a lot of promises of support when my husband passed but life goes on & people soon either went on with their own lives or would complain about his behaviour so it’s just the 3 of us. I have a good family around me but whilst they are sympathetic they either find his behaviour too much to handle or are busy with their own lives. I don’t have ADHD & was a quiet, shy child who very much behaved so I find it hard to relate. I never swear at or around my children. I never hit them so this aggression I can only assume stems from his inability to self regulate & likely the grief & loss off his dad but he won’t accept any support.
I feel like im
failing as a parent & really don’t know what to do