11 month old still suffering separation anxiety which seems to be getting worse

[Lisa229]

...how long will it go on. She is fine to be left to play in the lounge for short periods if it is just her and me and dd1 but if we see other people she has to be on me or carried by me. When I leave her with childminder or grandparents she cries before I leave and cries for a while after I leave. I have been back at work since April so it is going on for 2 months now and seems to be getting worse and as she is really aware of whats happening. She will be ok with childminder if she is holding her the whole time but will cry if she puts her down, even if childminder is sitting next to her. She has 3 others to look after so not so easy to carry her all day. How long will it go on? I feel awful leaving her but what else can I do, I have to work.

It's normal for separation anxiety to start around 7 to 8 months and peak at ages 12-15 months (supported by research). I've noticed dd2 (1 year old) is getting more and more clingy and can scream her head off if either myself or my older daugher leaves the room (or sometimes even just move out of her field of vision).
All very novel as dd1 was the opposite and seemed unaware that she was meant to be suffering separation anxiety - to the extent that I became anxious that there was something wrong with her (or me)! Turns out she's just very independent.

My DD has been like this since about 3 months old! and she is almost 13 months old now. She has always been very aware of what is going on and who is who! Myself and DH have come to accept it and she does seem to be getting better but very gradually!!

She is fine if left on her own for a few minutes if there is no-one else in the house but myself or DH but doesn't like being left in a room with anyone else. Her grandparents/aunts/uncles etc can't hold her as she gets REALLY anxious and crys hysterically if anyone other then me or DH holds her!

She is getting more sociable although up until recently would cry if someone she didn't know said a friendly hello etc - very embarrassing. She used to cry when she just saw my DH's parents which really upset them but now she is starting SLOWLY to quite enjoy 'playing' with them provided me or DH is nearby.

My friends little boy is super happy and smiles at anyone and everyone which does get me down sometimes as it seems so unfair! - silly I know.

I think we just have to accept that not all babies are confident and friendly - apparently by DH used to cry at EVERYTHING so I'm blaming him!!

Thought there would be more of us with clingy babies, thanks for yur kind words.

DD2 can go both ways, she also cries if someone she doesn't know says hello and then other times she'll try and smile at strangers to get their attention

DD1 was clingy to some exent but I don't think to the degree that DD2 is....as you say they will grow out of it but i am the same in that it sometimes gets me down when my friends babies are all so smiley and happy with everyone. I feel that it must be something I've done if they have both been like this...

My dd goes with the 'any port in a storm' philosophy. Not clingy with me per se, just wants to be with someone all the time, and won't really play on her own.

Her keyworker at nursery told me yesterday that every time she tried to leave dd's side, she went completely beserk, and when keyworker came back to dd, she would pat her hand, as if to say, 'yes, you just stay there'.

DS1 grew out of it when he walked.

DS2 was much better after about 18 months, but still has his moments. He's still only cruising at nearly 20 months so I think he's my limpet for a while yet!

It's soooooooo physically draining.