Constant Huffs and stroppines - Help (long)

[gscrym]

DS has turned into Kevin the teenager at 5. He's always had a wee strop sometimes but this is getting beyond a joke.

If I tell him he can't have something, he shouts, stomps off shouting 'you're not my friend, you hate me and you don't love me. I want to live with a different mum'.

He says he has no friends at school which is him just being a drama queen. I've seen him running around and playing with other kids. When they don't want to play the same game as him (dinosaurs, power rangers or star wars), he stomps off in the huff, sometimes crying. He had a wee friend over yesterday. I kept having to tell him to do his homework. He also took the huff when the other boy got a shout on his scooter and DS had to take his bike. It just seems the slightest thing sets him off in a huff. He went off last night when DH told him he couldn't have biscuits or sweets at bedtime. DH was threatened with 'my friends dad is going to make you disappear'

This has all been in the last few weeks, the huffs are getting worse. I've spoken to the school, there's nothing going on there. I'm probably just annoyed but I want my wee boy back that laughed, shared and was nice most of the time. Please tell me this is a phase that'll pass. I'm off to the shops to get a reward chart to see if that helps.

To be honest, if he bahaves with the other kids at school the way I've seen him behaving recently, I'm not surprised they don't want to play with him.

Ds is a bit like this. We had the "I want a different mum" comment once. I dealt with this by saying "OK, although I love you more than anything and always will, if it will make you happy, see if you can find one". I then talked to dd about the fun things we had planned - ds started saying "but why haven't you mentioned me being there?" to which I replied "I thought you would be with your new mummy". He has never ever done it again.

When he takes the huff at home and strops, dh and I just say "sorry you want to be like that" and leave him to it. We found the more of a fuss we made, the more we did it. Often, if you can see a strop coming, a joke will dispel the situation.

We have found the key is to keep telling ds that we love him but to refuse to engage with his sulks and strops. It is slowly working.

If only we could now find a solution for his sister's whinging!

I always tell him I love him and that he's my best boy but as a friend said, I'm getting to the stage of being reactive, instead of proactive. I'm going to try her suggestion of Golden Time at the weekend, it works a treat at school. It just feels that we're constantly butting heads at the moment. I'll try the tactic of 'lets help you find new parents then. Unfortunately he's the only one so we'll have to say we're taking the dog to the toy shop.

Is there something in the water at school that does this to them.

The attitude they develop once they start school is a bit scary isn't it? What I have found hardest is that ds now sneers at girls and calls things girly as a term of derision whereas before school he was quite happy with girls and all things girl associated.

Why was he doing his homework when his friend was over?
I'd be pretty pissed if I had a friend over and had to sit and do my homework TBH.

I wouldn't allow him to speak to you like this though.
When he does it tell him although you're happy to talk to him about his feelings and any problems he may have you cannot do it when he is not calm, as you cannot understand him.
Walk away, tell him you'll discuss it when he calms down. He will continue to strop, but he'll soon realise it isn't getting him anywhere.

When he comes to talk to you, ask him 'are you calm now?' if he is, say 'ok, let's talk' and go and sit down with him, drop whatever you are doing, and listen. Just shut up, and listen.

Agree with him, acknowledge and respect his feelings even if they seem dumb to you. If for example he says 'I'm angry at you because you made me do my homework' you say, 'I understand that, and I'm sorry, I don't want to make you unhappy, but your homework needs to be done'.

Is there somewhere we can trade them in for an angelic child that has never huffed and eats all vegetable with out argument.

Sorry, I went off to sort the kids out and came back and hit post before I was finished!

Another thing is 'that's nice dear' If he starts being rude, yelling at you, just say in a quietly calm voice 'that's nice dear' and acrry on what you are doing, if he gets no reaction then he will stop.

You should never argue with a child, ever, you will not win.

HTH

He kind off sprung the friend comeing over thing, both of them had asked the other mum (who agreed) first. I said to her we'd get the homework done then go to the park. After that, we'd have tea. They both did their reading but DS kept jumping around when the other boy got his stuff finished. It was about 6.30 by the time we got his wee friend dropped off and DS goes to bed just after 7 during the week. I can't get him to do homework in the morning. He dithers about so much.

I'll give all the advice a try. I don't want to get to the point of dreading spending time with DS because he's likely to be stroppy.

I'll take a deep breath, and start fresh when I get him from school today.

its not just me who is stuggling with this behaviour then - it does make me feel better to know that my ds1 (4.10) is too "abnormal"!

ment to read NOT to "abnormal"

when my ds strops or whinges he does both i just i cant hear you when you speak like that and walk off! usually works he stops then comes to talk to me nicely within a few mins