Any other teachers out there finding parenting own kids confusing?!

[teachermum23]

Hello,
I’m a primary school teacher, have been for all my adult life (mostly in KS2) and now I have 2 wonderful kids:
A high-spirited, tenacious and fun 4 year old and a gentle, calm, laid-back 2 year old.

Managing behaviour has never been an issue for me in my classroom and I’ve had positive relationships with the children in my classes. I love my job. I love kids. I now work part time to look after my own kids around their nursery schedules. My own son will start school in September.

My 4 year old is driving me nuts! He won’t listen or do what he’s told, and finds being told off just hilarious. I love the kid to pieces but it’s infuriating! I feel like a failure as a parent that my own child is so poorly behaved. If he wants to grab something, he’ll grab it. If he wants something someone else has, he snatches. He runs away, laughs at us, all sorts. I have no concern about an SEND; this is behaviour.

In the age of millennials now parenting, I find myself (like many others I understand) swinging from Gentle Parenting to very boundaried parenting, a replica of how I was parented: behave or you won’t get X/Y. My husband and I are clashing over feeling like we are each being too lenient/too strict in situations and I just feel a bit lost with my son in how to approach it.

Any other teachers find this hard? I know my teacher expectations need to be different to my parenting expectations.

Any friendly ideas?
Thanks in advance 😊

Hi @teachermum23 I am a teacher and parent of a 5yr old. I have taught mainly EYFS and KS1. It's probably a phase he is going through. Our DS has been very good a listening and understanding right and wrong. When I need to have a serious chat with him I tend to wait until he is calm and focussed as when they're in the moment they are not receptive to listening. Often, this is at bedtime when we are having 'chit chats' after a story lol
My partner is not a teacher and I have to explain that you have to put yourself in the mind of a 4 or 5yr old. I also use the phrase 'are you doing good listening?' or 'remember to do good listening' and this help keep him on track.
I think pre-empting things that may happen will be key for your little one. Lots of reminders. We do have sanctions but they are age appropriate and he can always earn them back by showing us he can do good listening.
We did try the 'thinking step' when he was about 3 and only have had to use it about 3 times.
The main thing is whatever you say you must follow though otherwise he'll be getting mixed messages, so think carefully about the sanctions e.g. no TV all day is a lot, so perhaps say no TV this morning. But you can earn it back if you show me good listening.
Our DS is going through a phase just recently of always wanting the opposite of what we suggest, or wanting a bit more, e.g. staying up a bit late because its the holidays, and then wanting to stay up even longer when we say it's time for bed, so we are working on that with him!!