6 month old refuses to be held by anyone but parents

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Hi all,

hoping to get some tips here. We have a wedding in the next couple months of close friends. We have a problem that our 6 month old refuses to be held very long by anyone but myself and her dad. We don’t have family close by but try to see them as much as possible. It appears though that no matter what we try, she’ll at most last a few minutes by held by family in a good day before she becomes inconsolable and I need to calm her. She has never been babysat before and I just feel at this stage I won’t be able to attend the wedding because she’s not ready yet. I want to be able to give our friends as much notice as possible so they’re not paying for me if I don’t go but I’m dying to go!

she can show traits of being a Velcro baby and won’t let her dad feed her or settle her for a nap so it’s literally all on me!
our family are so so loving of her and are desperate to have that bond with her and it’s just not there!

I know people will be like just leave her, she’ll cry for 5 minutes and then be fine but I know my baby - we have tried but even after 5 minutes she’s losing her breath from crying so much 🥲

Actually my advice wouldn’t be to leave her. It’s separation anxiety and Ige alwsys just leaned into it. If they feel secure with you, then they’ll learn to be secure with others, just at their own pace.

So just don’t force her going to others just now if she isn’t comfortable.

Is taking her to the Wedding an option?

Who is supposed to be looking after her when you’re there?

It’s actually reassuring someone saying to not leave her because I swear everyone I’ve spoke to have just said to bite the bullet but I just know it would feel so cruel to her.
she definitely seems better with slow and small interactions so if someone sits on the floor with her then she’ll interact and play but she has to be able to see me still.

I don’t think I’d be able to take her as she’s not invited and I think it’s a child free wedding. It would be my in-laws who would watch her (no other options) but they would be amazing if only she allowed!

I feel like it’s looking more likely I’ll not be able to attend but just probably a sad thought missing out on yet another event!

Firstly, I’m sorry! It sucks missing out on things and you’re probably craving a break / bit of normality. All I can say is this too shall pass. DD1 was exactly like this. Wouldn’t let anyone else hold her for even a minute. I felt very overwhelmed and anxious about it at the time. But we she did get over it and is now the most chilled out, easygoing child you could meet. I think even if you do go to the wedding you’ll be worrying anyway and may not have a good time. If it doesn’t feel right, let it go and remind yourself that it won’t always be like this - I promise!

In the meantime just keep trying with people she’s familiar with, sitting next to them and perhaps popping them on her lap, and distracting her with a favourite toy. If she’s not ready, take her back and try again in a week or two. The day she let granddad hold her without crying for the first time was worth the wait!

I had one of these! She was better with people who also had their own babies, and I've seen other babies be similar – it's like there's some instinctive, 'ah, that baby trusts you, probably I can as well', although she still needed a bit of time to warm up.

Other than that, the one person who cracked it basically devoted a long weekend to it – first day sat a little distance from her, pulling faces, singing songs, making her toys dance, etc. Second day, sat playing with her, stacking cups for her to knock down, etc. but made no attempt to touch her. Third day, she happily sat on his knee and even let me leave the room! And she remember him when he came back a month later and was very quickly fine with him again.