Hi everyone, I’m new here. I don’t have kids so I don’t know if I should be interfering but I’m really worried about my sister’s children’s behaviour and don’t know how to help.
I adore my niece (6) and nephew (11) and they love it when I come to visit. I live far away so see them every 2 months for an only a few days at a time.
On every visit, their behaviour seems worse. My nephew is rude, never says please, thank you or excuse me, demands things rather than asks, doesn’t show gratitude, talks over others, insults other members of the family including his little sister who gets very upset about it. He refuses to be corrected, won’t accept that he’s wrong, ignores people talking to him, especially his grandmother who he’s particularly rude to, has no respect for personal space or consent eg tickling or hurting his sister when he can see she’s getting upset.
His sister (6) gets angry, screaming when she doesn’t get her way, downright refuses to do what she’s asked, is obsessed with YouTube and often forgets to say please and thank you.
They can both be lovely a lot of the time, affectionate, clever and creative but when they don’t get what they want, they can be awful.
There seem to be no consequences to their actions from their parents. Their bad behaviour is mostly ignored, sometimes they’re just told to say sorry.
My sister, their Mum, takes criticism very badly, she’s very sensitive and gets easily upset so it’s hard to have a proper adult conversation with her. Their Dad is rude and flippant, he works a lot and seems to leave parenting to my sister, despite the fact that she works too.
I’m really worried about the kids, especially the 11 year old as his behaviour will soon affect his relationships, education, work prospects etc if something doesn’t change.
I’m not a parent so I don’t know what right I have to comment, but I do think that extended families are partially responsible for children’s development. I do try to talk to him about being nicer to people, but he doesn’t see why it matters. He’s awaiting an ND assessment so I hope he and his parents get some support there. But as an aunt, what can I do? How can I make the time I spend with them worthwhile and be a positive influence on their lives? Are there any books on this or anything else that anyone can recommend? Or am I worrying too much and is this all normal?
TLDR I’m worried about my niece and nephew’s behaviour and want to know what I can do as their aunt to help them when their parents aren’t dealing with it.